First Short Sketch

MAN
Ive got a gig tonight.

FRIEND
Oh yeah Music eh the love of food and all that.

MAN
Yeah but I'll only be on for about 15 minutes so im going to have to shorten the setlist, can you help me?

FRIEND
What you going to kick off with?

MAN
Well I have been dying to do Rape but should I really start off with a ballad?

FRIEND
How about Play With Yourself followed by Dont Look At Me Like That and finish it off with a long version Rape.

MAN
But will they stay for Rape. They don't usually stay if I do it last what with it being my only chart entry . Remember Chas And Dave they left Rabbit right till the end, we had to sit through an hour and half of groans everytime " A New One Guys " was said.

FRIEND
Yeah but what a gig eh?

MAN
3 FUCKING versions of Snooker Loopy. Rap,Ska and Techno. I never knew you could get so much out of the one song.

FRIEND
Yeah your right about new ones I couldn't hum you one of the their new ones what were they.

MAN
We Did Others was one.

FRIEND
How did you remember that?.

MAN
It sounded like Rape.
This is my first ever effort and I done it whilst sat at the laptop . Please don't be too harsh.Critique not cruel Thanks.SpiderNugent. Please don't sue

MAN
Ive got a gig tonight.

FRIEND
Oh yeah Music eh the love of food and all that.

MAN
Yeah but I'll only be on for about 15 minutes so im going to have to shorten the setlist, can you help me?

FRIEND
What you going to kick off with?

MAN
Well I have been dying to do Rape but should I really start off with a ballad?

FRIEND
How about Play With Yourself followed by Dont Look At Me Like That and finish it off with a long version Rape.

MAN
But will they stay for Rape. They don't usually stay if I do it last what with it being my only chart entry . Remember Chas And Dave they left Rabbit right till the end, we had to sit through an hour and half of groans everytime " A New One Guys " was said.

FRIEND
Yeah but what a gig eh?

MAN
3 FUCKING versions of Snooker Loopy. Rap,Ska and Techno. I never knew you could get so much out of the one song.

FRIEND
Yeah your right about new ones I couldn't hum you one of the their new ones what were they.

MAN
We Did Others was one.

FRIEND
How did you remember that?.

MAN
It sounded like Rape.

Cut and paste this and replace your orignal with this otherwise people will find it a bit difficult to read, so probably wouldn't leave feedback.

Quote: The Giggle-o @ October 3 2009, 5:42 AM BST

Cut and paste this and replace your orignal with this otherwise people will find it a bit difficult to read, so probably wouldn't leave feedback.

View original

Great minds or what Giggle-o? Just did almost exactly the same! I.E. (to Spider)

"Just quickly (it's late/early!) Wrong format. I've re-done it so it's easier to read - you might get more replies that way! Like it basically but will give it a proper read later. Oh - BTW Welcome, Spider!"

Thanks mate that really helped me out. my first time on here and pretty much my first bash. what did you think? considering I just made it up . its shit isnt it.

Thanks Giggle O and Morrace tried it don't know if it worked though.

Worked a treat, Spider. Some great lines in there! Back later.

Nice format Giggle-o!

Back as promised!

You have a wonderful DARK sense of humour, Spider, without going over the top!.

I love the two characters, who seem oblivious - innocent, even, when they refer to the (normally) taboo subject of 'rape'.'Rape' is just a song title to them - nothing else.

at at this exchange!

MAN
Well I have been dying to do Rape but should I really start off with a ballad?

FRIEND
How about Play With Yourself followed by Dont Look At Me Like That and finish it off with a long version Rape.

MAN
But will they stay for Rape. They don't usually stay if I do it last what with it being my only chart entry . Remember Chas And Dave they left Rabbit right till the end, we had to sit through an hour and half of groans every time " A New One Guys " was said.

--- and at this one as well:

MAN
Three FUCKING versions of Snooker Loopy. Rap,Ska and Techno. I never knew you could get so much out of the one song.

(NB - changed '3' to 'Three')

Oh - and the punchline - a coup de grâce!!

Yes, a top first time sketch. I really look forward to more!

I think I've missed something. Is the joke that they keep saying rape?

Quote: Chris Forshaw @ October 3 2009, 1:14 PM BST

I think I've missed something. Is the joke that they keep saying rape?

View original

The joke pretty much is that the song is called rape isn't it? If it is and I haven't missed anything it's not really my bag. There isn't really anywhere that would touch a sketch with the subject matter being a song about/called rape. Sorry but prove me wrong and get it on a radio 4 show!

Quote: Chris Forshaw @ October 3 2009, 1:14 PM BST

I think I've missed something. Is the joke that they keep saying rape?

View original

Everything Morrace said.

Quote: The Giggle-o @ October 3 2009, 3:12 PM BST

The joke pretty much is that the song is called rape isn't it? If it is and I haven't missed anything it's not really my bag. There isn't really anywhere that would touch a sketch with the subject matter being a song about/called rape. Sorry but prove me wrong and get it on a radio 4 show!

View original

I didn't write it for a radio 4 show I wrote it basically for my own amusement. I have 0 experience at writing and that was the first ever time I tried. Appreciate what your saying though, maybe lay off subjects which could turn people off before even reading it.However I can think of tons of comedies with taboo subjects. Curbs sex pest springs to mind.

Quote: Morrace @ October 3 2009, 12:17 PM BST

Back as promised!

You have a wonderful DARK sense of humour, Spider, without going over the top!.

I love the two characters, who seem oblivious - innocent, even, when they refer to the (normally) taboo subject of 'rape'.'Rape' is just a song title to them - nothing else.

at at this exchange!

MAN
Well I have been dying to do Rape but should I really start off with a ballad?

FRIEND
How about Play With Yourself followed by Dont Look At Me Like That and finish it off with a long version Rape.

MAN
But will they stay for Rape. They don't usually stay if I do it last what with it being my only chart entry . Remember Chas And Dave they left Rabbit right till the end, we had to sit through an hour and half of groans every time " A New One Guys " was said.

--- and at this one as well:

MAN
Three FUCKING versions of Snooker Loopy. Rap,Ska and Techno. I never knew you could get so much out of the one song.

(NB - changed '3' to 'Three')

Oh - and the punchline - a coup de grâce!!

Yes, a top first time sketch. I really look forward to more!

View original

Quote: SpiderNugent @ October 4 2009, 12:29 AM BST

Everything Morrace said.

I didn't write it for a radio 4 show I wrote it basically for my own amusement. I have 0 experience at writing and that was the first ever time I tried. Appreciate what your saying though, maybe lay off subjects which could turn people off before even reading it.However I can think of tons of comedies with taboo subjects. Curbs sex pest springs to mind.

View original

I know you didn't write it for radio 4, I was joshing.
I think the sketch lacked a bit of context, who are these characters, where are they, what do they have to do with each other, what are these songs they're talking about, do they exist?...
But it was your first sketch and it wasn't bad per se it just relied on a pretty tried and tested route of having a risque term to up the comedic value of the sketch, like comedy NOS. I hope you don't think I'm being harsh I'm just maybe trying to work out for myself why I didn't find it funny and then letting you know.

Quote: The Giggle-o @ October 3 2009, 5:42 AM BST

MAN
Ive got a gig tonight.

FRIEND
Oh yeah Music eh the love of food and all that.

MAN
Yeah but I'll only be on for about 15 minutes so im going to have to shorten the setlist, can you help me?

FRIEND
What you going to kick off with?

MAN
Well I have been dying to do Rape but should I really start off with a ballad?

FRIEND
How about Play With Yourself followed by Dont Look At Me Like That and finish it off with a long version Rape.

MAN
But will they stay for Rape. They don't usually stay if I do it last what with it being my only chart entry . Remember Chas And Dave they left Rabbit right till the end, we had to sit through an hour and half of groans everytime " A New One Guys " was said.

FRIEND
Yeah but what a gig eh?

MAN
3 FUCKING versions of Snooker Loopy. Rap,Ska and Techno. I never knew you could get so much out of the one song.

FRIEND
Yeah your right about new ones I couldn't hum you one of the their new ones what were they.

MAN
We Did Others was one.

FRIEND
How did you remember that?.

MAN
It sounded like Rape.

Cut and paste this and replace your orignal with this otherwise people will find it a bit difficult to read, so probably wouldn't leave feedback.

View original

I'm pissed. I admit it. But I don't understand this post. Please enlighten me because I've read it three times and my Jack Daniels awaits.

Quote: Lee Henman @ October 4 2009, 12:46 AM BST

I'm pissed. I admit it. But I don't understand this post. Please enlighten me because I've read it three times and my Jack Daniels awaits.

View original

I'm guessing The Giggle-O kindly copied and formatted the OP's sketch because the OP's original wasn't nicely laid out and then the OP copied The Giggle-O's post in their edited first post.

Quote: The Giggle-o @ October 4 2009, 12:36 AM BST

I know you didn't write it for radio 4, I was joshing.
I think the sketch lacked a bit of context, who are these characters, where are they, what do they have to do with each other, what are these songs they're talking about, do they exist?...
But it was your first sketch and it wasn't bad per se it just relied on a pretty tried and tested route of having a risque term to up the comedic value of the sketch, like comedy NOS. I hope you don't think I'm being harsh I'm just maybe trying to work out for myself why I didn't find it funny and then letting you know.

View original

I don't think your being harsh I appreciate your feedback what with being a beginner with all you old pros. Like the comedy NOS reference btw. Perhaps I should write instead of just riffing but I find it more difficult to methodically think about it and prefer to just write off the cuff.

Quote: Lee Henman @ October 4 2009, 12:46 AM BST

I'm pissed. I admit it. But I don't understand this post. Please enlighten me because I've read it three times and my Jack Daniels awaits.

View original

Originally SpiderNugent posted his sketch without formatting it 'properly', so I did it for him/her. Then he/she cut and pasted my edit so it looks like I've just posted the same thing again. Comprende Mr Lee? or was it the sketch you didn't understand? or are you too drunk to even understand this?

Quote: Badge @ October 4 2009, 12:49 AM BST

I'm guessing The Giggle-O kindly copied and formatted the OP's sketch because the OP's original wasn't nicely laid out and then the OP copied The Giggle-O's post in their edited first post.

View original

ha ha, yeah im a bit of a beginner to this. What does OP mean is it derogatory.