Sketch: Enough Already For Silly Names

Set in Newsroom [male and female news team]

Newsreader [Male]: "Scottish officials are now trying to ban parents from choosing wacky names like Superman for their children".

Newsreader [Male]: "Listeners may be asking, Superman, not a suitable name. However odd names might well be turned down by the civil registry if they expose a child to ridicule, or are difficult to pronounce or even if they raise doubts about whether a child is a girl or a boy".

Newsreader [Female]: "The National Electoral Council has laid out the proposal in a draft Bill circulated to city offices in Edinburgh".

Newsreader [Female]: "If approved by the Scottish Parliament, the Bill could let authorities turn down names like some of the more unusual currently on the voting register - including Batfink and Santa. Other silly names that could face a ban if the Bill becomes law include, Pig, Tosserface, Marzipan Breath, Arse Piece and Rory.

Newsreader [Male]: "When opponents of First minister The Right Hon Alex Salmond, last year sought to question the accuracy of the voter rolls, they noted that even names such as Fiona Twatman were listed. With have in the studio with us today the Professor of Child Psychology at Glasgow University. Professor, what are your concerns? Surely we should all be allowed to call our children what we like shouldn't we. Isn't this just another example of the Nanny state?"

Professor: "Not at all. We have to say enough is enough. Nobody likes a joke more than us Scots but a youngster can be greatly affected by the name their parents give them. I have even heard of people turning to hard drugs after a childhood of bullying and teasing because of their name. It is tragic and I believe this Bill could be classed as a Child protection issue"

Newsreader [Female]: "Well thank you very much [slight pause]... Professor Presley Dyke Shitter Molloy. Miss Twatman is incidentally a dental nurse from Clackmannanshire."

It's pretty much telegraphed ahead I'm afraid and you could have said as much in much less prose me thinks.

The ending is a bit of a cliché and there's no laughs before that.

There's a good idea in there somewhere but the fact that the professor isn't named when introduced - in a sketch about silly names - just makes the punchline too obvious.

I think you could cut it all down to about three lines and it would be a good starting point for a sketch - perhaps with a ridiculously named professor not seeing anything wrong with the names that are being banned.