Randy Man

'ello all. I've had this sketch in my 'collection' for a while, one of the first things I ever wrote. I thought it could be a recurring character. All comments are appreciated.

DAVE IS SINGING TO MUSIC ON THE RADIO IN THE KITCHEN. HE IS DOING A LITTLE 'WIND AND GRIND' AS HE MAKES A CUP OF TEA. SARAH, HIS WIFE, WALKS IN; DAVE MAKES A BEELINE FOR HER; HE STARTS WINDING AND GRINDING ON HER THEN STARTS KISSING HER NECK.

MUM
Stop it Dave…come on, the kids are in…look just stop it! What's got in to you?

DAVE
It's not what's got in to me love, it's what I haven't got out of me that's the problem. Every time I start trying to sex you up all I get is [APES HER SARCASTICALLY]'We can't because of the kids'.

MUM
Well I can't help it. I just don't feel right when I know they're in the house and you start pawing at me like that!

DAVE
Oh come on love, it's all building up inside me. I could get poisoned!

THEIR FIVE YEAR OLD SON RUNS IN TO THE KITCHEN; DAVE LETS OUT AN EXASPERATED SIGH; MUM TURNS HER ATTENTION TO FREDDIE.

FREDDIE
Mummy, mummy I'm hungry can I have some crisps?

MUM
No babe, dinner will be ready soon and crisps aren't good for you.

FREDDIE
But I want crisps!

MUM
You can't have any, I've already told you.

FREDDIE
GIVE ME SOME CRISPS!

DAVE
Come on now don't talk to mummy like that.

FREDDIE THROWS A TANTRUM, JUMPING UP AND DOWN ON THE SPOT AND SHOUTING FOR SOME CRISPS. AFTER A SHORT PERIOD MUM GIVES IN.

MUM
Alright, alright, here you go…anything for an easy life.

DAVE WATCHES ON AS SHE GIVES FREDDIE SOME CRISPS

FREDDIE
Yaaay!

FREDDIE RUNS OUT WITH HIS CRISPS.

DAVE
Right where were we!

DAVE STARTS NUZZLING SARAH AGAIN BUT AGAIN SHE WRIGGLES AWAY; HE PULLS AWAY LOOKING HURT AND PISSED OFF BUT THEN HAS A MOMENT OF INSPIRATION. DAVE STARTS JUMPING UP AND DOWN ON THE SPOT.

DAVE
I want sex, gimme sex! SEX! SEX! SEX! SEX!

SARAH WATCHES HIM IN AMAZEMENT FOR A FEW MOMENTS.

WOMAN
Shush! Alright, alright let's go upstairs then. But you'd better keep it down!

DAVE
Yaaay!

END

Saw it coming Giggle-o - but 'punters' may not. Very natural dialogue and format. Nice one. This screamed at me though - couldn't resist:

MUM:
Stop it Dave…come on, the kids are in…look just stop it! What's got into you?

DAVE:
It's not what's got into me love - it's what I want to get into you! (FONDLES HIS CROTCH)

Quote: Morrace @ September 26 2009, 11:30 PM BST

Saw it coming Giggle-o - but 'punters' may not. Very natural dialogue and format. Nice one. This screamed at me though - couldn't resist:

MUM:
Stop it Dave…come on, the kids are in…look just stop it! What's got into you?

DAVE:
It's not what's got into me love - it's what I want to get into you! (FONDLES HIS CROTCH)

View original

Cheers Morrace, I'm not surprised you spotted a way to edit those lines I felt Dave's line was a teensy bit cumbersome, I'll see what other people say before I make any final decisions on whether to change it or not.

Saw it coming before the punch, but sometimes expectation can work as well as surprise.

Thanks for reading it Timbo.

I don't think the direction below helps myself. Superfluous?

Quote: The Giggle-o @ September 26 2009, 11:19 PM BST

DAVE WATCHES ON AS SHE GIVES FREDDIE SOME CRISPS

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I thought that if the actor playing Dave didn't give any suggestion of paying too much attention to Freddie's tantrum it might not be so easily detected.

It might be better if she smacks the husbands bum and sends him to the naughty step.

And maybe the naughty step could be a real naughty step?

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ September 26 2009, 11:44 PM BST

It might be better if she smacks the husbands bum and sends him to the naughty step.

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I like it Dolly. I hadn't given Sarah's reaction to it any thought tbh because I just followed on naturally from how she carried on with Freddie, but I like your angle. Thanks!

I've thought of other situations for him to be inappropriate in as I thought there was scope for embarrassing the wife in other settings.

When it comes to being married with children, it's often the wife who's demanding sex. "But you'd better keep it down!" Arf arf.

And upon viewing the topic title, I had thought this was a sketch about DaButt.

Quote: Kenneth @ September 26 2009, 11:57 PM BST

When it comes to being married with children, it's often the wife who's demanding sex.

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God yeah.

Hi mr O
I think Dave could be interesting, more so than the sketch though I also like Dolly's suggestion. Though I still quite liked the sketch. Just to be a picky bleeder I think particuarly at the begining you need to make your dailgoue a bit snappier e.g
Mum
dinner will be ready soon.

rather than

MUM
No babe, dinner will be ready soon and crisps aren't good for you.

i guess you could put the no babe back in for the sake of the characters voice.

Quote: Ronnie Anderson @ September 27 2009, 12:08 AM BST

Hi mr O
I think Dave could be interesting, more so than the sketch though I also like Dolly's suggestion. Though I still quite liked the sketch. Just to be a picky bleeder I think particuarly at the begining you need to make your dailgoue a bit snappier e.g
Mum
dinner will be ready soon.

rather than

MUM
No babe, dinner will be ready soon and crisps aren't good for you.

i guess you could put the no babe back in for the sake of the characters voice.

View original

Well, actually the whole point of the sketch is to highlight the importance of a healthy diet so it is absolutely pivotal to include the line about crisps being unhealthy. Only joking! Cheers for reading it Ronnie.

The title is good.

Quote: Godot Taxis @ September 27 2009, 2:21 AM BST

The title is good.

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Don't be sad - write some more randy man stuff. A guy with a stiff cock is endlessly amusing. Just think more laterally - the jokes in this one were too obvious.

Quote: Godot Taxis @ September 27 2009, 2:29 AM BST

Don't be sad - write some more randy man stuff. A guy with a stiff cock is endlessly amusing. Just think more laterally - the jokes in this one were too obvious.

View original