Local Newspaper Headlines

"Skull-popping" is, I'm unreliably informed, slang in certain parts of the UK for the practice of trepanning one's beloved and engaging in coitus with the resulting cavity; viz, drilling into someone's skull and f**king the hole.

Somewhere in West Yorkshire, some time in the mid-1990s, I am less reliably informed that a local newspaper was observed to carry the following headline:

MORE SKULL POPPING

I choose to believe this is true.

I've never found anything quite as simultaneously hilarious and disheartening in any of my local newspapers.

Tonight I did see, written on a board outside a local paper shop:

DRUNK'S ALLOTMENT RAMPAGE

which came close to replicating those feelings of equisite joy and misanthropic misery the skull-popping headline evoked.

Anyone care to share some recalled examples from their own 'hoods?

I live in Hackney, so most of the headlines revolve around innocent people being shot in the street as drug dealers throw down.

Hilarious.

I live in the country so headlines read...

"Abbotbury lost cow not lost".

I remember reading one about a garden shed containing some half used tins of paint ALMOST being broke into.

I always remember that the Lynn News once had a headline of 'Gay Sex In The Woods'.

Local newspaper headlines in Australia are sometimes unintentionally funny (or just plain twee).

Apparently true...

Teenager held over penguin

Many Antiques At Senior Citizens' Sale

Stiff Opposition Expected To Graveyard Plan

Car Dealers Will Hear Car Talk At Noon

Lack Of Brains Hinders Research

Policeman Help Dog Bite Victim

Man Denies He Commited Suicide

Four Battered In Fish And Chip Shop

Supertrain Talks

Goldfish Is Saved From Drowning

Dog Attacks Rocket

Ban On Boxing After Death

Boy Wanted To Kill Man

Bodies Needed To Look After Graveyard

Prisoners Escape After Execution

Protestors Tried To Spoil Play But Actors Succeeded

30 Year Friendship Ends At Alter

No Cause Of Death Determined For Beheading Victim

Jury Suspects Foul Play In Death Of Man Shot, Burned & Buried In Shallow Grave

Thieves Steal Burglar Alarm

Robber's Description: Man, Possibly A Woman, Definitely Ugly

Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at Large @ September 25 2009, 10:52 PM BST

I live in the country so headlines read...

"Abbotbury lost cow not lost".

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"Earthquake in India - no local people involved"

@Tuumble!

Quote: Kevin Murphy @ September 25 2009, 8:47 PM BST

"Skull-popping" is, I'm unreliably informed, slang in certain parts of the UK for the practice of trepanning one's beloved and engaging in coitus with the resulting cavity; viz, drilling into someone's skull and f**king the hole.

View original

Ye olde term is "squicking" I believe. An onomatopoeia, disturbingly. Apparently if your old chap nestles between the two hemispheres of the brain it causes "firestorming" orgasms.

Whatever happened to just holding hands?

Quote: Kevin Murphy @ September 25 2009, 8:47 PM BST

"Skull-popping" is, I'm unreliably informed, slang in certain parts of the UK for the practice of trepanning one's beloved and engaging in coitus with the resulting cavity; viz, drilling into someone's skull and f**king the hole.

View original

And I'm a member of this species?

Quote: SlagA @ September 26 2009, 11:19 AM BST

And I'm a member of this species?

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Perhaps when you've got to the point in your life where you're frustrated by the limited number of holes nature provided for sexual intercourse, you should really consider forgetting about sex and taking up golf or something...?

Quote: Tim Walker @ September 26 2009, 11:35 AM BST

Perhaps when you've got to the point in your life where you're frustrated by the limited number of holes nature provided for sexual intercourse, you should really consider forgetting about sex and taking up golf or something...?

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9 hole or 18?

In last week's Peterborough Evening Telegraph there was a story that had the headline...

PILLOW CASE STOLEN DURING BREAK-IN

http://www.peterboroughtoday.co.uk/news/local/pillow_case_stolen_during_break_in_1_979059

Butts Arrested in Boob Murder Case

http://wearecentralpa.com/wtaj-news-fulltext/?nxd_id=203465

Teen whose heart stopped after attaching electrified clamp to his nipple sues teacher, school

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2010/08/31/2010-08-31_teen_whose_heart_stopped_after_attaching_electrified_clamp_to_his_nipple_sues_te.html