Chat Up Lines Page 44

Quote: Kenneth @ September 26 2009, 12:54 AM BST

I too am a fan of the six-hour cuddle. Over time, you work out how to sleep comfortably while blissfully entagled one another's limbs. If you're too hot, lose a blanket - or put it entirely over her. Should you feel the need to get up for a pee, simply gently extricate yourself. If your arm is 'asleep' or in pain, tell her and move it higher up. Just try not to have nightmares about strangling your partner.

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Kenneth, you seem knowledgeable in these areas. How do you stop a new girlie from taking over the bed in her sleep?

I met one girl who practically pushed me out of bed, she'd literally spread herself out in a star shape across the mattress. I woke up just as I was hovering over the edge. And she took all the duvet and I woke up cold as well.

Being the gentleman that I am, I gently rolled her back to her side and slowly reclaimed some of the mattress. But within seconds she 'flopped' again and I got her right wrist hitting me in the face.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ September 26 2009, 12:54 AM BST

Please God let 'hot chocolate' be a euphermism for black cock.

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Quote: Renegade Carpark @ September 26 2009, 1:00 AM BST

she'd literally spread herself out in a star shape across the mattress.

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And you're complaining ? ? ?

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ September 26 2009, 1:00 AM BST

How do you stop a new girlie from taking over the bed in her sleep?

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Presuming that sex has been the prelude to slumber, ensure that you're on your preferred side of the bed. Ideally, you should be holding her - but this depends: some women like a tightly clinging guy, some prefer just an arm gently around them, some an arm and a leg. Then there's spooning or facing. Spooning tends to be easier for extrication. Holding her in a way that makes her feel completely relaxed and comfortable means she's less likely to spread herself out and push you out. If she is pushing you out and becomes all spreadeagled, then (you mentioned you have "extra pounds") use your strength to slowly and softly move her back onto one particular half of the bed. If she responds by inadvertantly hitting you in the face, move her again, try to put her on her side and hold her to you. Unless she's a whale, she'll be unlikely to be overpowering you. If you run out of patience, get out of bed, get a spare blanket, open a bottle of spirits, get a pack of smokes and an ashtray, get comfortable on the couch and watch some Tom Baker era Doctor Who. Wake up with a cigarette burn on your fingers and the blanket.

Quote: Kenneth @ September 26 2009, 1:25 AM BST

Presuming that sex has been the prelude to slumber, ensure that you're on your preferred side of the bed. Ideally, you should be holding her - but this depends: some women like a tightly clinging guy, some prefer just an arm gently around them, some an arm and a leg. Then there's spooning or facing. Spooning tends to be easier for extrication. Holding her in a way that makes her feel completely relaxed and comfortable means she's less likely to spread herself out and push you out. If she is pushing you out and becomes all spreadeagled, then (you mentioned you have "extra pounds") use your strength to slowly and softly move her back onto one particular half of the bed. If she responds by inadvertantly hitting you in the face, move her again, try to put her on her side and hold her to you. Unless she's a whale, she'll be unlikely to be overpowering you. If you run out of patience, get out of bed, get a spare blanket, open a bottle of spirits, get a pack of smokes and an ashtray, get comfortable on the couch and watch some Tom Baker era Doctor Who. Wake up with a cigarette burn on your fingers and the blanket.

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What an attractive picture you paint.

(To many Stellas to remember the Hancock episode now !)

Quote: Oldrocker @ September 26 2009, 1:30 AM BST

(To many Stellas to remember the Hancock episode now !)

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There is one where Tony and Sid are having a similar positional problem (obviously not sexual) whilst sleeping in the same bed? Am I right?

Quote: Tim Walker @ September 26 2009, 1:34 AM BST

There is one where Tony and Sid are having a similar positional problem (obviously not sexual) whilst sleeping in the same bed? Am I right?

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Don't think so . I suspect it may be The Publicity Photograph but I'll get back to you ! Sober !

Well I'm sure it happens in one of the old... more mature sitcom episodes. Two blokes in the same bed, competing for space and blankets etc...

Quote: Tim Walker @ September 26 2009, 1:43 AM BST

Well I'm sure it happens in one of the old... more mature sitcom episodes. Two blokes in the same bed, competing for space and blankets etc...

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It worked for Abraham Lincoln...

Quote: Tim Walker @ September 26 2009, 1:34 AM BST

There is one where Tony and Sid are having a similar positional problem (obviously not sexual) whilst sleeping in the same bed? Am I right?

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They do kip together (and Hancock gets uncomfortable), but on the floor, in The Babysitters.

I knew it! Cheers, Kenneth!

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ September 26 2009, 1:00 AM BST

Kenneth, you seem knowledgeable in these areas. How do you stop a new girlie from taking over the bed in her sleep?

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The easiest way is to have two beds. I can't understand how a solitary 'double' bed became so popular in English-speaking countries. Other countries don't have them, and I for one prefer to have as much bed-age as I can squeeze into a room, which meant two doubles side-by-side at last count.

Actually, I'm making this sound more horribly horrible then it is.

Maybe, but I didn't think that what you said was anything other than entirely reasonable. In my experience, some women do not conform to a stereotype of wanting 6 hours of cuddling, and so it's a waste of everyone's time to do that. I also prefer to get the sex done first, and then do the emotions, because then the emotions are less influenced by needing a shag. In a way, if we follow the "save the best to last" thinking, and the possibility that by waiting, the sex will be better, then to delay the passion until much later could be seen as caring more about the sex, than the emotions.

Therefore, "the sex first:emotions later" approach is actually the more romantic one! Delay the emotions, for their sake!

At least, that's my excuse.

Quote: Nogget @ September 26 2009, 5:11 AM BST

The easiest way is to have two beds. I can't understand how a solitary 'double' bed became so popular in English-speaking countries. Other countries don't have them

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I haven't done any research into matrimonial chambers, but I've ventured into married couples' bedrooms and seen just the "solitary" double bed in the following non-English speaking countries: Singapore, Indonesia, Thailand, the Philippines, China, Denmark, Germany, France and Israel. In some cases, elderly couples did indeed have separate beds (perhaps because the husband snored loudly or was incontinent), but the majority had a shared bed.

If you have a partner who can't stand you reading in bed (with a little bedside bulb blaring), separate beds might also be called for.

Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at Large @ September 26 2009, 12:28 AM BST

Gavin signed up for that.

He needs the money.

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Mental image of gavin in blood-red lipstick, ill-fitting blonde wig, and sparkly dress.

(((((((((((((((((((((((

Epic fail.

Quote: Tim Walker @ September 26 2009, 12:29 AM BST

I had one like that. I lanced it, but it grew back looking like Rob Brydon.

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Quote: Renegade Carpark @ September 26 2009, 12:54 AM BST

Please God let 'hot chocolate' be a euphermism for black cock.

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Quote: Kenneth @ September 26 2009, 9:50 AM BST

I haven't done any research into matrimonial chambers, but I've ventured into married couples' bedrooms and seen just the "solitary" double bed in the following non-English speaking countries: Singapore, Indonesia, Thailand, the Philippines, China, Denmark, Germany, France and Israel.

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My bad, I should have said *some* other countries don't have them. Notably cold ones, where you don't want drafts from your partner's nocturnal rotations.