The big Boast

This was written by me, circa 2003. When the good times where abound in the city.

Setting is in a Merchant Bank's WC in the City Of London.

FRANK: (WALKING IN, AND GOES OVER TO THE URINAL FOR A PEE)
I went in to see the old man this morning Stew (SPEAKING WITH HIS HEAD
HALF TURNED TO STEWART)

STEWART: Oh yea (SPEAKING VERY GUARDEDLY, NODDING HIS HEAD REPEATEDLY TOWARDS A
CUBICLE)

FRANK: Wassa matter Stew? you got a stiff neck or something? the old mans got a
habit of doing that. (FRANK DOING A PERFECT IMITATION OF THE OLD MAN)
mm yes yes mmm yes yes mmm quite. (NODDING HIS HEAD AT THE SAME TIME)

STEWART: (MOUTHING SILENTLY AND CONTINUING TO NOD HIS HEAD ON THE DIRECTION OF A
A CUBICLE)sssshhhhhhh.

FRANK: Bloody hell! what you lost the power of speech now? anyway (ZIPPING UP
HIS FLY AND WALKING OVER TO STEWART) Like I said, I went to see the old
fart this morning, I knocked on the door and walked straight in......

STEWART: (TRYING TO GUIDE FRANK TO THE EXIT)

FRANK: (RESISTING HIM)I said to him "I want a word with you about my position in the
company. For a start,I want a 30% increase in my salary, and also, I
want a promotion within three months". I told him Stew, I said that a
head hunter, phoned me up, two days ago, offering me 50% more than I am
getting here, and a generous share option, with a perfomance related
bonus on top.

STEWART: (FINALLY GIVING UP HOPE OF SHUTTING FRANK UP AND ROLLING HIS EYES)

FRANK: Yes I told the old fart, "if I don't get what I want, you can stuff
your'e job where the sun don't shine" you gotta be up front Stew!
and do you know what he said? he said " of course Frank, I certainly
do not want this company to lose someone with your trading talent and
ability.

FX: (SOUND OF TOILET FLUSHING AND CUBICLE DOOR OPENING)

STEWART: (HOLDING HEAD IN HANDS AND MUTTERING) "Oh Jesus Christ"

FRANK: (STARING AT THE OPENING CUBICLE DOOR WITH 'THE OLD FARTS FIGURE
EMERGING' "Oh shit"!

Probably the best sketch posted here in months.

Kev can you make that a wee bit faster in future. Jeez my finger had hardly got of the post button.
Thank you by the way

Hasn't this basically been done many times in comedies before? where someone continues talking about someone who turns out to be in one of the cubicles. It didn't blow my socks off I'm afraid. Sorry Garfield no lasagne this time!

But it was nicely written.

Quote: The Giggle-o @ September 23 2009, 11:41 PM BST

Hasn't this basically been done many times in comedies before? where someone continues talking about someone who turns out to be in one of the cubicles. It didn't blow my socks off I'm afraid. Sorry Garfield no lasagne this time!

But it was nicely written.

View original

No probs Adam
Like I said it was done in 003. Yup your right about it being done before, but at the time, I certainly did not actually realise it.
It did happen to me once. Okay, I am not a City Dealer, I work in construction. I was slagging someone off, to another work mate, in the site toilets when the guy suddenly came out of trap number two LOL.

A good plausible premise. I'd like to see a bit of a twist with the OLD FART having some lines - maybe something like;

OLD FART EMERGES FROM CUBICLE

OLD FART: As you know young man, that was a downright untruth - and told straigh-faced to a close colleague, if you please! You're only talent is lying!

FRANK: Erm....I...

OLD FART: You're relieved of your current duties with immediate effect! I want to see you in my office in 5 minutes.

FRANK: Oh, no! Is this demotion? Instant dismissal?

OLD FART: No, my boy. Promotion. Instant Directorship.

Quote: Geoff Mutton @ September 24 2009, 8:42 AM BST

A good plausible premise. I'd like to see a bit of a twist with the OLD FART having some lines - maybe something like;

OLD FART EMERGES FROM CUBICLE

OLD FART: As you know young man, that was a downright untruth - and told straigh-faced to a close colleague, if you please! You're only talent is lying!

FRANK: Erm....I...

OLD FART: You're relieved of your current duties with immediate effect! I want to see you in my office in 5 minutes.

FRANK: Oh, no! Is this demotion? Instant dismissal?

OLD FART: No, my boy. Promotion. Instant Directorship.

View original

Thanks for the constructive criticism Geoff. I may re-work this and put a few lines in for the "OLD FART"

In the absence of any twist this is not really a sketch; it might make a scene from a sitcom, but attempting unsuccessfully to shush someone who does not realise that someone else can hear what is being said is a bit of sitcom staple.