British Comedy Guide

The Press and Me Page 3

Quote: Timbo @ September 22 2009, 9:42 PM BST

So were you misrepresented or weren't you?

Er, it was made to sound more salacious than it really was and made me feel a bit dirty and crap because it took innocent stuff and tried to make it sound dirty.

An 'insider' from FATBOY'S 'Carry-On-Porn' website told us that another of his mistresses (A**ieb*by) calls him by his pet name 'Big Fellatio' -

Quote: A**ieb*by @ September 22 2009, 9:10 PM BST

Hey Big Fellatio, sorry you didn't make it on Saturday.

The 'insider' tells us that FATFELLA 'didn't make it on Saturday' with A**ieb*by because he's grooming a stand-up/lay-down comedienne D**ly D**g*r for a foursome with wife Sharon, 25, and lover Chardonnay 22,

Quote: D**ly D**g*r @ September 22 2009, 9:34 PM BST

a piece about what underwear I wear and what men I like and my sex life for an online version of a lad's mag.

Quote: bigfella @ September 22 2009, 9:25 PM BST

Ohhhh! Can I read it?

All this AND benefits too! Sign our petition on Page 3 and stop the FAT scroungers!

Got a story to sell to The Nudespaper?

A big exclusive used on the front page could be worth thousands of pounds (especially if it's about a fat scrounger), but a smaller story will be worth less - (but not if it's about a fat scrounger),

The only way to find out how much YOU could make is to call us now (but not if you're a fat scrounger!).

But remember - don't tell another newspaper.

I think there is a career for you here Morrace.

Get your CV over to the News of the World.

Quote: bigfella @ September 22 2009, 10:34 PM BST

I think there is a career for you here Morrace.

Get your CV over to the News of the World.

Laughing out loud

Even they draw the line somewhere.

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ September 22 2009, 10:35 PM BST

Laughing out loud

Even they draw the line somewhere.

I'll give him a referance!

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ September 22 2009, 10:35 PM BST

Laughing out loud

Even they draw the line somewhere.

Marked your card Love Yooooooo Sunshine! :D

Maybe they'll research you and find this site and then ...! :O

I'd do it. They'll pay you, and they can only do a hatchet job if you give them the material to do it. Just be careful with what you say, and be sure to parrot the sort of things readers of that tabloid like. And if they do do a hatchet job, you can do an article for The Guardian or The Independant about what it feels like to have your life turned over by the tabloids. Which will look good on your writing CV.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ September 22 2009, 10:18 PM BST

took innocent stuff and tried to make it sound dirty.

I hate it when people do that. Whistling nnocently

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ September 22 2009, 10:18 PM BST

me a bit dirty

:)

It might be an opportunity for you to generate some interst from publishers in your book, if you spin whatever you tell them from the book's perspective.

Quote: bigfella @ September 22 2009, 7:42 PM BST

I'm worried that they might get a spin on the story and turn me into a fat waster!
... But I don't want negative stuff going out. ... Also there is the question of money.

Tabloid eh? If you ask for money, they may think they have the right to make you look bad. Big, big money is only for a celeb or an amazing exclusive, no? Best if your agent/producer can first suss out the angle. And as said before, record the interview yourself. But even if all is glowing and positive - once the reporter has filed the story, an editor with an agenda might get hold of it and completely transform it. But I doubt it. I guess the angle is simply, before and after: look how much weight this bloke lost via a stomach stapling - it was a potentially fatal procedure but he's pulled through - and now he's thinking of running a marathon. Here's how he got so big in the first place. Here's his family and what they think. And it was another quiet day in Afghanistan.

I have no idea. If I was the editor, I'd say: "that's not f**king news! And neither are women's tits on page 3." And I'd send the reporters out to find some real news about declining squirrel profits.

I suppose it also depends how thick-skinned and emotionally robust you are.

Remember that newspapers stories are no longer tomorrow's chip wrappers. Stuff stays online for a long time. And EU Health& Safety gone mad rules state that chips should be wrapped in appropriately designed paper for foodstuffs.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ September 23 2009, 12:34 PM BST

Remember that newspapers stories are no longer tomorrow's chip wrappers. Stuff stays online for a long time.

Yes, but worst case scenario: they do a hatchet job on Bigfella. It'll hurt Bigfella, but most people won't bother with it. They'll be too busy rushing to read the latest X-Factor story/Katey Price-Peter Andre revelation. The person who would read it most closely would be Bigfella and his family. Everybody else would skim read it at best. And if Bigfella is guarded with what he says, ensures he ticks a few tabloid friendly boxes, then he should be okay.*

*Not a legally binding guarantee. In the event of public humiliation and cruel national derision Chipolata bears no responsibility.

Its all gone quiet on this front!

Taking about lads mags now.

Quote: bigfella @ September 23 2009, 1:23 PM BST

Taking about lads mags now.

Go for it, you might meet Lucy Pinder, Sophie Howard or any of Britain's other leading women. :)

Quote: Kevin Murphy @ September 22 2009, 8:11 PM BST

Record the interview, digitally if possible.

That way, when you are misrepresented or misquoted, you have the whole damn thing on tape. You can post it on the internet, give it to the paper's competitors, a regulator, whatever.

I forgot to mention: tell the interviewer you're taping it. When I was a reporter, that always put the shits up me.

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