The Press and Me Page 2

Quote: Morrace @ September 22 2009, 9:05 PM BST

Do you mean something like this, Bigfella? (aka Neil Bakewell)

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Grossly overweight (6 tonnes) Neil Bakewell lives in a 50-bedroom council house with WIFE Sharon, 25, his LOVER Chardonnay 22, and SIX grossly overweight kids! But he insists he needs MORE space as he has to sleep in a tent (criminal intent) when his SIX other grossly overweight kids from SIX previous girlfriends come to visit.

Neil FATARSE, whose kids' ages range from five months to 39 years old, said: "It's very cramped already, especially when we're all sat in front of our 500-inch FAT-screen TV."

But the FAT lazy dad claims that when everyone gets together, conditions in the house are "intolerable". Kent Council told him they simply do not have a bigger house on their books. But FATWELL insisted: "We obviously need a new place but the council won't give us one - I give Sharon and Chardonnay one every night - so what's the f**king problem?

Neil FATBOY, who posts so-called 'comedy' sketches under the pseudonym 'Bigfella' on a 'Carry-On' type PORN SITE, last worked in July 1985 as a PIMP. He picks up £22448.oo a week in family and child tax payments, plus £6000.oo child benefit.

Niel OBESE insisted he was no scrounger and said of his bizarre relationships: "People yell, 'Who ate all the pies?!' - What they mean is, 'Who f**cked all the women' - they're just jealous! What man wouldn't want two women? I love them both, I can't choose between them. It's like trying to choose between a steak and kidney pie and a pork pie - I say, if in doubt eat them both! I reckon a lot of men would just love to be in my situation and I know I'm very happy and satisfied. A lot of people have a cigarette after sex - I don't - I have a four-course meal, quickly followed by an orgasm!"

Niel LARDARSE added: "Some people hate how I live but I don't give a toss. All that matters is food, sex, treacle pudding and my family. The fact is we're overcrowded and need another ten bedrooms. "If there aren't any 60-bedroom houses we would be happy to move to another 50-bedroom house with an extra room downstairs for my son DJ Wayne to build a recording studio.

When this reporter asked Niel BLUBBERBELLY about the two million pounds he's receiving from Channel Four to make a 'Weight-loss' documentary, he shouted "No comment" then quickly added - "F**k off!"

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Yeah! Something like that. Are you the guy that lives next door?

Quote: Nogget @ September 22 2009, 9:06 PM BST

Does this mean you're not short of money? If so, why go to a tabloid, and risk your personal life?

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No means I have to struggle to meet the payroll everymonth.

Quote: AngieBaby @ September 22 2009, 9:10 PM BST

Hey Big Fellatio, sorry you didn't make it on Saturday.

I always thought there was no such thing as bad publicity, but if it's anything like what Morrace is suggesting I'd steer clear. What does your wife think?

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Hey Angie. Nice to hear from you. Mrs B says go for it.

Will you get paid for it?

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ September 22 2009, 9:12 PM BST

I'd still be very wary. I spoke to a journalist once and my interview was turned into a pervy story...

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Ohhhh! Can I read it

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ September 22 2009, 9:23 PM BST

Will you get paid for it?

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I don't know - haven't got that far.

Yeah I know someone who was interviewed for an article on Anorexia and the person who wrote the interview was actually quite offensive and used some offensive terms and false facts and people believed she said those things so she was treated very badly by some of her friends. I would do what Kevin said and have your own recording but I would say if you are not 100% happy with it, it's probably best not to do it.

Hey BF I just saw this - can we see your 'show' yet?

Re the paper - if you go for it definitely take Kevin's advice and take the money!

But you do hear from 'celebrities' all the time complaining that they gave a two hour interview and maybe one line is used totally out of context so it's literally correct but makes them look bad in some way. You'd need to know you could cope with that if it happened. Plus any 'friends' quotes are always made up - I'm not sure how they get away with complete lies but they seem to.

Good luck if you do go for it, and well done on everything so far.

Cheers Rube and Jane.

All good points.

The series starts on 13th October but my show is later on.

I wouldn't read the bloody thing anyway - I'm not going to watch the show either.

Quote: bigfella @ September 22 2009, 9:25 PM BST

Ohhhh! Can I read it

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Oh it was just a chat about clothes I wear (I thoight) and a photo which turned into a piece about what underwear I wear and what men I like and my sex life for an online version of a lad's mag. The interviewer was a girl too.

If you know who your interviewer is, prehaps you can research past articles they have written!

What's the worst that can happen? Even if they are horrible, you can use it as a motivation to show them they're wrong. If your missus is behind you, then I'd say go for it, but I recall you have teenage kids, it might be embarrassing for them. I remember years ago my mother put a 'happy birthday' message on the radio for my 18 year old brother and he didn't talk to her for months.

But if you're not getting any cash, I'd tell them to get lost.

Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at Large @ September 22 2009, 9:35 PM BST

If you know who your interviewer is, prehaps you can research past articles they have written!

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Good idea.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ September 22 2009, 9:34 PM BST

Oh it was just a chat about clothes I wear (I thoight) and a photo which turned into a piece about what underwear I wear and what men I like and my sex life for an online version of a lad's mag. The interviewer was a girl too.

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As I said..can I read it.

Quote: AngieBaby @ September 22 2009, 9:36 PM BST

What's the worst that can happen? Even if they are horrible, you can use it as a motivation to show them they're wrong. If your missus is behind you, then I'd say go for it, but I recall you have teenage kids, it might be embarrassing for them. I remember years ago my mother put a 'happy birthday' message on the radio for my 18 year old brother and he didn't talk to her for months.

But if you're not getting any cash, I'd tell them to get lost.

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My girl is fine about it.

Thats my feeling...but how many times in ones life does something like this come up?

Todays News, Tommorows Chip Wrapper.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ September 22 2009, 9:12 PM BST

I'd still be very wary. I spoke to a journalist once and my interview was turned into a pervy story...

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So were you misrepresented or weren't you?

Quote: bigfella @ September 22 2009, 9:40 PM BST

Todays News, Tommorows Chip Wrapper.

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Stop thinking about the Chips, you're supposed to be losing weight.

Good luck with it all Big Fella.
Can't wait to see it.

If anyone is interested they are showing a repeat of one the previous series on Home and Health + 1 at ten.

Obviously this is not about me.

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ September 22 2009, 9:43 PM BST

Stop thinking about the Chips, you're supposed to be losing weight.

Good luck with it all Big Fella.
Can't wait to see it.

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Cheers mate.

Write for money or fun. Why else?

Quote: Marc P @ September 22 2009, 9:55 PM BST

Write for money or fun. Why else?

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It's a Truism.