Morrace
Wednesday 23rd September 2009 12:05am [Edited]
2,727 posts
Quote: bigfella @ September 22 2009, 7:42 PM BST
I've been a bit of minor local press today for my TV documentry.
I'm worried that they might get a spin on the story and turn me into a fat waster! Like that family off the X Factor.
Do you mean something like this, Bigfella? (aka Neil Bakewell)
________________________________________________________________________________
Grossly overweight (6 tonnes) Neil Bakewell lives in a 50-bedroom council house with WIFE Sharon, 25, his LOVER Chardonnay 22, and SIX grossly overweight kids! But he insists he needs MORE space as he has to sleep in a tent (criminal intent) when his SIX other grossly overweight kids from SIX previous girlfriends come to visit.
Neil FATARSE, whose kids' ages range from five months to 39 years old, said: "It's very cramped already, especially when we're all sat in front of our 500-inch FAT-screen TV."
But the FAT lazy dad claims that when everyone gets together, conditions in the house are "intolerable". Kent Council told him they simply do not have a bigger house on their books. But FATWELL insisted: "We obviously need a new place but the council won't give us one - I give Sharon and Chardonnay one every night - so what's the f**king problem?
Neil FATBOY, who posts so-called 'comedy' sketches under the pseudonym 'Bigfella' on a 'Carry-On' type PORN SITE, last worked in July 1985 as a PIMP. He picks up £22448.oo a week in family and child tax payments, plus £6000.oo child benefit.
Niel OBESE insisted he was no scrounger and said of his bizarre relationships: "People yell, 'Who ate all the pies?!' - What they mean is, 'Who f**cked all the women' - they're just jealous! What man wouldn't want two women? I love them both, I can't choose between them. It's like trying to choose between a steak and kidney pie and a pork pie - I say, if in doubt eat them both! I reckon a lot of men would just love to be in my situation and I know I'm very happy and satisfied. A lot of people have a cigarette after sex - I don't - I have a four-course meal, quickly followed by an orgasm!"
Niel LARDARSE added: "Some people hate how I live but I don't give a toss. All that matters is food, sex, treacle pudding and my family. The fact is we're overcrowded and need another ten bedrooms. "If there aren't any 60-bedroom houses we would be happy to move to another 50-bedroom house with an extra room downstairs for my son DJ Wayne to build a recording studio.
When this reporter asked Niel BLUBBERBELLY about the two million pounds he's receiving from Channel Four to make a 'Weight-loss' documentary, he shouted "No comment" then quickly added - "F**k off!"
________________________________________________________________________________