Morrace that is harsh and not in any way whatsoever constructive. I have only read this once and would like to read it again before giving a detailed critque, however I think there were some good parts to this, though I agree with quite a bit of what has been said. One thing I don't think has been mentioned is that the dialogue in parts is a bit clunky with a lot of unnecesary words, however other times it flows nicely.
I am also curious if you write a lot with your mate. I find in co-writing that you have to create an identity as a partnership in the same way you do as a cowriter and so regardless of how well you write on your own it takes ages for the writing to gel with a co-writer (that is in my experience). Also I found that one problem is you can get quite self indulgent in a cowritten piece and maybe ignore the aim of making things more accesible to the public as you might do in a solo piece, and might also end up including in jokes that you both find funny but no-one else gets.
I think it is great you have had the balls to put your work up for critique and you have inspired me to put my work up for critique.
Two Guys, One Table: The Affair Page 2
Quote: Ronnie Anderson @ September 21 2009, 4:13 PM BSTMorrace that is harsh and not in any way whatsoever constructive.
I agree. Sorry.
Quote: Ronnie Anderson @ September 21 2009, 4:13 PM BSTOne thing I don't think has been mentioned is that the dialogue in parts is a bit clunky with a lot of unnecesary words, however other times it flows nicely.
Also agree. For example:
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'CLUNKED':
CHRIS
Maybe Madonna could be working in a supermarket, stacking shelves? Or maybe she could be a till girl? I could picture her vogueing on the tills.
UN-'CLUNKED':
CHRIS
Madonna stacking shelves in Tescos? - or vogueing on the check-outs?
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Shimples!!
I like you Morrace.
I would like to make my own opinion on this, but I pretty much agree with everything that's been said here!