Jack Tweed Page 12

Quote: Tim Walker @ September 12 2009, 12:15 AM BST

Most of us have given it up by our 30s. When you're in your teens or 20s you're young and fit and you want to do it every weekend. Eventually though you get dragged down by the rat race, you get into a relationship and simply don't have the time or inclination any more. I haven't done it since I was 29, even though I regret giving it up, of course. Even if I ever did it again I doubt it would have the same buzz as when I was young. Anyway, my knees are too knackered to do it well now...

Oh, rape? Sorry, I thought we were talking about playing football.

Rape, horrible business.

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Quote: Sammy @ September 12 2009, 12:05 AM BST

Today I was reading a trashy magazine (don't judge me)

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Too late. You like Hollyoaks, Greggs and Horne and Corden. You wear a track suit but never go to the gym, your hair is pulled back in a scrunchy 95% of the time and you threw flowers at Jade Goody's funeral hearse. Worst of all, you do Catherine Tate catchphrases in the pub to your circle of cackling, bingo obsessed friends with breast tattoos, chunky gold chains and no teeth (or the Lambrini girls as they're also known).

Yes, poor Jack, he's in that awkward sexual assault stage, when will he grow up and stop trying to rape women? The little scamp.

I hope years from now, 'Jack the Lag' can go on talk shows and tell us about this sad period of his life in between the fake tears and blaming everything on booze, the media and the dead woman he married for money.

As for the poor girl who was raped, I'm sure she's in for a fun filled time of psychological counselling, never trusting men again and ultimately some form of self destructive behaviour, possibly resulting in suicide. But the trashy magazines won't care, after all it's her own fault for not being famous.

I hear Renegade Carpark is the next Chip John Gaunt.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ September 12 2009, 12:26 AM BST

As for the poor girl who was raped

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Allegedly raped.

Carpark (if it's okay to call you that) I don't think it should but your last post made me laugh so hard. It might be that you are funny or it might be the wine. I'm unsure.

Quote: Sammy @ September 12 2009, 12:30 AM BST

Carpark (if it's okay to call you that) I don't think it should but your last post made me laugh so hard. It might be that you are funny or it might be the wine. I'm unsure.

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It's definitely the wine. (Which surprisingly is also Jack Tweed's defence).

A lot of folks round here call me RC . (Not because it's cool, they're just to lazy to write out my name in full).

I think I prefer Carpark. Its catchy

I think RC fits.

Quote: Sammy @ September 12 2009, 12:39 AM BST

I think I prefer Carpark. Its catchy

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No, as I was suggesting on a previous thread (where it was also rightly ignored), we should all sing the RC song - as adapted from Richard Blackwood's stunning top 100 single...

"Hey, we love you, RC! See you every day on the BCG!"

*women strip down to bikinis and jiggy-jiggy*

(Everyone'll be doing by Christmas, I tells ya. )

You're all making me blush with this amount of attention.

I've wet my pants now. Happy?

I sing to the beat of my own drum (or something to that effect)

"Hey, we love you, Carpark! See you every day on the far mark!"

It may need work, but it's almost there... surely?

Edit: Actually on second thoughts - that was shit wasn't it

I prefer a meter, or park 'n' ride.

It was shit, but don't worry mine was pretty shit as well. The great thing about the BCG is that there's always room for more shit.

Quote: Sammy @ September 12 2009, 12:47 AM BST

I sing to the beat of my own drum (or something to that effect)

"Hey, we love you, Carpark! See you every day on the far mark!"

It may need work, but it's almost there... surely?

Actually on second thought - that was shit wasn't it

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What is a far mark? I know I shouldn't be critical as attractive young women rarely serenade me on comdey forums, but yeah, your song was kind of piss poor.

How about -

'They call him Renegade Carpark, his humour is very dark, like his men...wait! WTF?!'

Do you not even know what a far mark is?!

I thought everyone knew

Edit: But damn you, your version was so much better. Not like you hadn't been working on it for ever though.

Quote: Sammy @ September 12 2009, 12:47 AM BST

"Hey, we love you, Carpark! See you every day in Primark!"

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Better?