Buddhist

For radio...

ANDREW
Here we go, Goaty.

BUDDHIST
You can't kill him!

ANDREW
What did you think I was going to do when you passed me the axe?

BUDDHIST
We're Buddhists.

ANDREW
Right. Run me through that again?

BUDDHIST
The circle of life, the ascent to Nirvana. We cannot harm a living thing.

(BEAT)

ANDREW
We're butchers.

BUDDHIST
Yes, I know.

(BEAT)

ANDREW
Yes, well, there seems to be a bit of a conflict.

BUDDHIST
The last guy coped. People have to have meat.

ANDREW
So what do you suggest?

BUDDHIST
Well. Waiting for a bit?

ANDREW
Waiting?

BUDDHIST
Yep, it's not the most fun. The last chap used to follow the animals around, trying to manoeuvre them into harm's way, but that's not for everyone.

ANDREW
What happened to him?

BUDDHIST
A yak walked him in to an electric fence.

ANDREW
Can we eat the yak?

BUDDHIST
No. We could eat the butcher?

ANDREW
I see. Look, this goat…

BUDDHIST
I forgot I was holding him.

ANDREW
Could we just lop a little bit off?

BUDDHIST
Technically only if it regenerates.

ANDREW
We could just drop him?

BUDDHIST
Drop him?

ANDREW
Yes. Hard.

BUDDHIST
You mean throw him?

ANDREW
No; just let him fall from our careless fingers.

BUDDHIST
Won't do much damage from here.

ANDREW
Good point. Get on the table.

(BEAT)

ANDREW
Right. One.

BUDDHIST
Two.

ANDREW
Three.

(BEAT)

F/XHOOVES LAND ON A STONE FLOOR AND SCURRY OFF

ANDREW
He's scarpered.

BUDDHIST
Look at him go.

(BEAT)

ANDREW
Rice then?

Hi there,

Please feel free to say if this one is naff. I rather like it but it doesn't appeal to my writing partner.

Cheers, you beautiful people

I sniggered, not quite a laugh though. Definitely worthy of a sketch and you could have multiple sketches coming out of this, nipping back to these two trying various things to encourage harm to the animals.

Cheers Minty

I wasn't that keen on this Rick.

I think the idea of Buddist butchers is good - but maybe come at it from a different angle.

Maybe their discussing why they don't want to kill the animals, saying the school careers teacher rushed them into this and then the reval at the end is the fact that they are buddists.

Nice one Bigfella - balls, looks like I'm wrong on this one. That NEVER....oh, wait, I remember.

Yeah I liked the Buddist Butcher bit too, as well as just loping just a bit off but sort of saw the end coming.

s

I liked this - also saw the end coming but particularly liked the bit around suggesting just dropping it...and the "careless" hands.

Sal

I liked this a lot, made me laugh, especially the initial revelation that they're butchers, the wait a bit bit, and 'get on the table'. Also, I liked the way that they're visual gags that you don't have to actually see - if you know what I mean. I can easily imagine hearing it on the radio and laughing. Sometimes it's good to see the end coming, makes you feel like you're in on the joke, which I think this does.

Ta for all comments - and nice to see some newer guys getting involved.