INT -- A kitchen -- Day
We see the remnants of a chimpanzees' tea party.
A chimp in an apron is starting the washing up at the sink.
MUSIC & SONG
" For hands that do dishes,
can feel soft as your face!"
The chimp lifts a soapy hand to her face.
MUSIC & SONG
"With Mild GREEN HAIRY liquid"
We see the hair on the chimps hand slowly turn green.
FADE OUT
Dear God Bill that jokes older than you are!
This (below) is the old version, no?
A guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day. The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man examines the dishes. "I'll have the little green squid with the hairy lip, please" says the man. "O.K." replies the waiter and calls out "Gervais!"
A little French chef appears with a large knife, the waiter instructs the chef to kill the little green squid with the hairy lip.
Gervais is just about to slice at the poor squid when he notices a tear running down its face. Gervais is touched, and admits that he hasn't the heart to kill the squid.
"Not to worry" says the waiter, and calls out "Hans!!" at which an enormous German bloke comes out of the kitchen. "Sir", says the waiter, "this is Hans, the dishwasher. Hans, kill that squid!"
The dishwasher wields a huge rolling pin and is just about to bludgeon the little green squid with the hairy lip when it cringes back and gives a little cry.
"I am sorry sir, I just cannot kill the squid" Hans admits, his lower lip trembling.
"Well sir," says the waiter, "it just goes to show. That Hans that do dishes, can be soft as Gervais. With mild green, hairy lip squid!"
Didja just make them up? It's brilliant.
Quote: sootyj @ September 8 2009, 6:24 AM BSTDidja just make them up? It's brilliant.
Did not make that up. It was in an old book of kids jokes that I used to have. And a guy from Paignton, Devon, used to tell it.
Indeed the Hairy Lip Squid joke is a classic. You often lose people before the punch though
Quote: sootyj @ September 8 2009, 6:03 AM BSTDear God Bill that jokes older than you are!
Herh, heh... Mayhap!
But, not everyone will know it, so the sketch would introduce them to it.
PS: I don't think Fairy Liquid was around when I was a kid, so I must be older than the joke.
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Actually you could do a succession of these. laced Dolly Dagger style through a sketch show.
Here's another.
INT -- A kitchen -- Day
A woman (mid 20's) in an apron is starting the washing up at the sink.
MUSIC & SONG
" For hands that do dishes,
can feel soft as your face!"
A girl child enters and the woman lovingly wipes soapsuds around the child's face. The child prances out happily.
MUSIC & SONG
"With Mild GREEN HAIRY liquid"
CHILD (o.o.v)
Mummy!
The child re-enters and we see that she now has a full beard and whiskers, all bright green.
FADE OUT
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Anyone else care to contribute any more such sketches to this topic?