Quote: Marc P @ September 5 2009, 11:19 PM BSTAlmost a Haiku.
I've Edited it
And now the syllables match.
So that's tidier.
Dragon's Den Leaving Card Page 2
A boring, overdone topic that you've given a nice twist to. I enjoyed it - nice one
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ September 5 2009, 11:30 PM BST
I've Edited it
And now the syllables match.
So that's tidier.
Yeah the syllable count works now but it doesn't bounce and sing and ring. Re-submit.
Quote: Marc P @ September 6 2009, 8:53 PM BSTYeah the syllable count works now but it doesn't bounce and sing and ring. Re-submit.
And for that reason..
I'm out!
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ September 6 2009, 8:58 PM BSTAnd for that reason..
I'm out!
Very good. I really like this one.
This is excellent. You've actually worked hard to get the speech patterns of these creeps as well, which is pretty impressive.
It's a long sketch, but it's well sustained has a big laugh in the middle (theo coming in) and could go out without any cutting in my view.
I'd like to see a more informal beginning where the dragons are seen from behind during a break in filming and the sound engineer comes over and asks for the money without the V/O, which kind of anticipates the joke.
Once again, excellent.
Dragon's Den has been very popular to the point of overkill as far as sketches are concerned. That said, I thought this was excellent. An original twist on the theme, with very good character representation.
Pirate!
I thought that was great.
You might want to consider changing the setting to more of a casual setting. So -
[The Dragons are getting ready for the second part of the days recording. They are in the make up room, just chatting with each other and the guy pops in with the card request. I feel would add extra value to originality. As it shows the Dragons behaving in that fashion outside of the Den].
Just a thought.
Quote: Diddykong @ September 7 2009, 6:07 PM BSTYou might want to consider changing the setting to more of a casual setting. So -
[The Dragons are getting ready for the second part of the days recording. They are in the make up room, just chatting with each other and the guy pops in with the card request. I feel would add extra value to originality. As it shows the Dragons behaving in that fashion outside of the Den].
Thanks, I like this idea. I'll edit if I can and see how it reads. It doesn't bode well since I can't even quote a post properly! 
Quote: DarrenF1970 @ September 9 2009, 3:59 PM BSTThanks, I like this idea. I'll edit if I can and see how it reads. It doesn't bode well since I can't even quote a post properly!
Don't mention it. I said the same as diddy about four posts earlier.
I thought I would bump this thread because I saw that Darren was online and was intrigued as he has only posted 17 times in 6 years.
I thought this was a very good spin on an established format which captured the individual voices of the dragons very well.
Quote: Will Cam @ September 20 2013, 11:07 PM BSTI thought I would bump this thread because I saw that Darren was online and was intrigued as he has only posted 17 times in 6 years.
I thought this was a very good spin on an established format which captured the individual voices of the dragons very well.
Thats very sweet of you Will, to look after the old timers like this. I hope I am still posting in 6 years.
As for the dragons den sketch
I really liked the idea and thought it was well executed. I could just imagine myself in the room with them.
I think I must have scared him off Tony as he has disappeared.