Star Trek Convention

First ever sketch I have written, so, ya know, be.....vicious.

The scene

Kirk, Spock, Uhura and Starfleet Political Correctness officer sitting around a desk

KIRK:
ok, We will be beaming down to the conference shortly. Me and the pointy eared bastard and ...

PCO:
You can't say that

KIRK:
Can't say what

PCO:
Pointy eared bastard

KIRK:
eh?

PCO:
Some vulcans tuned into a federation broadcast and weren't to chuffed with it, so we can't say it anymore as of federation protocol 8557.432

KIRK:
For f**ksake, are there any federation protocols against calling him a sugar dick?

PCO:
Nup

KIRK:
Ok, me, sugar and Whorey (Who-ree) will be going to

PCO:
Can't say that

KIRK:
Can't say what

PCO:
Who-ree

KIRK:
But it's just an affectionate play on words of her name

PCO:
Yeah, I know, but Planet Horton lodged a complaint when they heard a broadcast sent to......

KIRK:
Oh for f**ksake

PCO:
It's protocol 8557.433 if you're interested.

KIRK:
What about cock warrior?

PCO:
Can't see anything wrong with that.

KIRK:
Ok, me, sugar and the cock warrior are gong down to the convention. Now I don't want any of you to get clingy.........

PCO:
Can't say that, the Klingons made a complaint about.........

KIRK:
It's just a f**king word though, who cares? I don't even mean it in a....

PCO:
Doesn't matter. Casual Racism will not be tolerated intentionally or not.

KIRK:
OK, OK, Ok, me, sugar dick and the cock warrior are gong down to the convention. There are going to be a few Reds there

PCO:
Ahem...

KIRK:
Sorry, Martians, so best behaviour

PCO:
Now that that is sorted out, I have a few more Starships to visit. Uhura, give the bridge a wee mop though eh?

I like it! Good work especially for first sketch. Where in Scotland you from?

Prestwick. No tinsel unfortunately.

You're 'avin' a laugh?!

That's a decent premise, and the get out line is okay, but the execution is lacking. To make it work you need to keep Kirk in character - at present none of that dialogue sounds remotely like anything James T. Kirk would say. I would also suggest that bringing Spock, in character, into the sketch, would be a potential source of merriment.

Quote: Timbo @ September 4 2009, 1:45 PM BST

That's a decent premise, and the get out line is okay, but the execution is lacking. To make it work you need to keep Kirk in character - at present none of that dialogue sounds remotely like anything James T. Kirk would say. I would also suggest that bringing Spock, in character, into the sketch, would be a potential source of merriment.

View original

Thanks for that. I gotta agree. I was aware I had put Spock in it but he's doesn't actually say anything. I don't see how the Kirk thing can work though as part of it requires swearing and I can't see Kirk ever saying cock warrior. But I get you though and appreciate it.

This one didn't push my buttons. Political correctness in space is a joke StarTrek has done a few times and the new character feels a bit jammed in.

That said lovely punchline.

Quote: sootyj @ September 4 2009, 4:13 PM BST

This one didn't push my buttons. Political correctness in space is a joke StarTrek has done a few times and the new character feels a bit jammed in.

That said lovely punchline.

View original

Never seen it done before, but I'll take your word. I take your point on the other character as well. Cheers.

Yep - cracker for a first sketch

It's a good idea. You have a problem though. If this was ever made it would get watched by alot of people the majority of which would be proficient in the Star Trek universe (uber geeks) and you will find they will have a major dislike of what you've done, the main reason being the characters you've used are too beloved to be tarnished.

I'd consider maybe creating a similar style but changing the name of the show, characters changed slightly.

Much in the vein of Galaxy Quest actually which has one of the funniest lines in a family comedy film - "Let's get outta here before one of those things kills Guy!" 2:51.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1kYFNGuJAo

Never the less if this is the route you're wanting to go down I think it could make a good sitcom as long as it was more like Galaxy Quest. Maybe in the way Hyperdrive was (only funnier). Good first script though!