Apple

INT. APPLE HQ - DAY

There is a large golden apple logo on the wall and various pictures of iphones and ipods on the walls. The boss is stood at the foot of a table giving a presentation to numerous other people sat watching him.

BOSS
So as you can see on this igraph we are still making massive iprofits on the ipod and the iphone. With the imminent release of the itelly and the ibed we should be rolling in imoney. But, we need you lot to do a good job with this ipublicity campaign. If this isn't done properly then we can throw these numbers down the itoilet. So get it done and do it well. I want you all working together on this. Remember, there's no I in team.

Boss turns away from the table.

BOSS
(Quietly)
Yet.

What do you think?

Cheers

I reckon that's top banana. Really f**king good idea.

I'd change the stage directions to make it more obviously Apple corporate. The set needs to be almost completely white, with rounded corners. The boss needs to have designer stubble and wear a wafer-thin black polo neck sweater.

But if you're the first to come up with this idea I reckon you're on to a winner.

Cheers

That's some good thinking about the set. I tried to make it obvious it was apple with the numerous things with I in front of them but I think your idea would do it better.

Great punchline but for such a sweet punchline you could build it a little bit more?

Interesting you should say that because I thought I had the build up spot on with this one.

Let's see what others think.

Cheers.

Good idea. However I can't quite put my finger on why I was slightly disappointed by the ending. I was expecting something better at the end I think.

I would second Jacob. The build up was fantastic and punchline didn't quite do it for me.

It's a nice I-idea but I wasn't keen on the ending either. I would have liked to see the staff brainstorm different ideas starting with I, getting more and more ridiculous. But that's a different sketch.

Thanks for the feedback guys. I did spend quite a lot of time deciding on the punchline to this one so I was never too sure of it from the start which is the reason I posted it up here.

I'll have a think on it tonight and see if I can come up with something else.

Cheers

This all seems a bit obvious to me, put an I in front of everything. I'm sure lots of other people must have done variations on this sort of thing and the punchline was a bit weak. Didnt
do anything for me I'm afraid,sorry.
Good luck with your stuff though.

It seemed an obvious idea to me but I've never come across anything similar so thought I might aswell jot it down. The punchline seems to be the problem with some people but not with others. Personally I think the delivery of it could make or break it but never-the-less I will see if I can come up with something a bit more substantial.

Cheers

I don't want to seem like the simon cowell of the critique section (Im too short to have my trousers up that high anyway) but it just seemed a bit bland. I promise to be more encouraging next time!

Oh no, I prefer it. The harsher the better. If it's crap I want to know about it

There is mucho comedio to be derived from the stalinist marketing farrago that is infinite loop but this isn't it.

Newbie here. (WAVES.) Hi!

I did write an unused skit for practice a few years back, based around a single iGag. I might post it to the forums tomorrow to see what others think of it; constructive criticism is always good.

Anyway... I'll throw in my tuppence-worth.

I'm going to be brutal—it's the only way criticism can work—but please don't take any of this personally. It's not you; society's to blame:

Apple started the iBall rolling back in 1999 and I remember a number of these iJokes rattling around TV and radio shows of the early 2000s. Even the mighty iPod has been around since 2001, while the iPhone is three this year. Good iGags which nobody has heard before are therefore hard to find.

What struck me on my first read-through wasn't so much the iGags, but the structure itself. Although your script seems to be written for TV, you're not really taking advantage of that medium. For example, Apple's history and design aesthetics are ripe with visual gag opportunities.

For example, you could take the proverbial out of Steve Jobs' evangelistic streak this way. Instead of a picture of his flesh-and-blood family sitting on his desk, the Steve Jobs lookalike could have a bunch of family photos showing Apple kit (both old and new) instead of children—a Powerbook marrying a Mac mini, both 'dressed' as if at a human wedding, with the boss beaming fatuously alongside; an early iMac wearing a school uniform, that sort of thing. These are throwaway visual jokes, but they also set the scene and help build-up the verbal gags by conveying information about one of the skit's characters.

As it stands, the script feels more like a radio skit that's had the visual part added as an afterthought. Make *everything* count. Matt Groening and his team are a masters of quickfire visual gags.

Most people who are even remotely familiar with Apple know of Steve Jobs and are aware of Apple's iconic design aesthetic. Journalists have even invented the term "Reality Distortion Field" to explain Jobs' sales skills. These elements alone are rich seams of comedy gold, but are rarely touched upon as it's hard to produce a sketch that doesn't come across as geeky. As people have become more technology-savvy, I suspect this is less of a barrier than it once was.

It's harder for me to be objective about the stream of iGags. They seemed a bit obvious and predictable, but I'm obviously going to be jaded about these given my background. Even so, I think I'd recommend paring them down, so the few that you leave in have a bit more room to breathe.

That said, most people *don't* work in IT, so I'm probably not representative of a typical comedy audience.

I shall now shut up.