British Comedy Guide

Red [hot] Indians

EXT. WILD WEST DESERT - DAY.

A RED INDIAN CHIEF [IN FULL TRIBAL GARB] IS TALKING TO A SMALL GROUP OF MODERN VISITORS. THEY ARE SURROUNDED BY A RING OF TEPEES WITH A CAMP FIRE AND TRADITIONAL RED INDIAN FOLK GOING ABOUT THEIR BUSINESS.

CHIEF: I'd like to thank you all for coming to the Wasichoko reservation today. I hope your visit has helped you appreciate our traditional values and lifestyle, largely unaltered for centuries. We have tried strenuously to avoid the influences of Western Civilization. Thanks once again for your visit...and don't forget to call at our coffee shop, where you will find a range of gifts and souvenirs...

A YOUNG RED INDIAN RUNS UP TO THE GROUP, POINTING AT SKY ABOVE MOUNTAINS ON HORIZON

Y.R.I.: Chief!, Chief! Look!

CHIEF: Manitou! Smoke signals!

VISITOR: That's really cool! What do they say?

CHIEF: Hold on....., 9.....1.....1.....Fire.....Department.....Please. [TURNS TOWARD INDIAN BRAVE AT CAMP FIRE WITH BLANKET] Answer that and keep them talking. [SHOUTS AT TEPEES] Fire!, Fire.

TWO BRAVES IN LOIN-CLOTHS EMERGE FROM TEPEE PUTTING ON MODERN FIREMAN'S HELMETS, EACH CARRYING A BUCKET OF WATER

CHIEF: [POINTING TO SMOKE SIGNAL] Go! Go! Go!

THE TWO FIREFIGHTING BRAVES MAKE OFF ON FOOT TOWARDS THE SMOKE SIGNALS. EVERY FEW SECONDS, WE CUT TO CHIEF WATCHING ANXIOUSLY AS THE BRAVES RUN ACROSS THE DESERT.

CUT TO:

BRAVE AT CAMP FIRE. HE ALSO HAS A SMALL FIRE WITH A SMALL BLANKET AND IS MAKING SMALL SMOKE SIGNALS TOWARDS A SQUAW'S TEPEE.

CUT TO:

INT. SQUAW'S TEPEE

SQUAW READS BRAVE'S SMALL SMOKE SIGNAL AND PRODUCES MOBILE PHONE.

CUT TO:

FIREFIGHTING BRAVES RUNNING ACROSS DESERT

F/X MOBILE PHONE RINGING.

BRAVES STOP.

BRAVE #1: Is that mine?

BRAVE #2: [RUMMAGING IN LOIN-CLOTH FOR PHONE] No, it's me. [ANSWERS] Hello? [BEAT] You're joking!

BRAVE #1: What's up?

BRAVE #2: [PUTTING PHONE AWAY] It was another hoax smoke signal.

CUT TO:

CAMP FIRE

CHIEF: [TO BRAVE WITH BLANKET] See if you can trace that smoke signal. [STROKES CHIN] I bet it's that little wanker who cries "Wolf".

END.

Sorry Geoff, not convinced by this one. Found it all a bit confusing.

Quote: Timbo @ August 26 2009, 12:41 PM BST

Sorry Geoff, not convinced by this one. Found it all a bit confusing.

Aw, really? I admit it's a little busy but I thought I'd achieved fluency.

I had to slowly read it - but I think that's just beacuse of the visuals.

I got it and liked it a lot - the firemens helmets bit cracked me up.

Thumbs up from me

Thanks for taking the time, Rick. You're right, the visuals make it heavy going.

Appreciate your approval.

There's a real good idea in there but it is a little overloaded. I'd dump the mobile phones and the intro with the guests they both slow the action with out adding much. I'd go for playing up smoke signals as mobiles it's a rich vein maybe; textese in smoke, obsene calls or the chief gets spam on his blackberry?(a burning blackberry bush).

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