Poker Face

Hi all, enjoy reading these forums, first post here so thought I'd plough straight in with a submission. Feedback gratefully received. Thanks, Matt.

RADIO ANCHOR: We head to London's Ritz Casino where the final of the world series poker championships has been going all night and is now entering its closing stages. Two players remain, one is the five-time champion Chips Fisher, the other is a complete unknown, Mad-eyes Maxwell. We join the contest in time for the last hand and with four million dollars in the pot there's an awful lot to play for.

CHIPS: <Deep gruff American voice> I'll go all in.

REFEREE: Chips Fisher has gone all in.

MAXWELL: <Chirpy English voice> I'll see that, all in.

REFEREE: Mr Maxwell has called. Chips Fisher to reveal first.

CHIPS: Looks like you've been beaten at last, rookie. A royal flush.

MAXWELL: Shit...hang on...<sound of scribbling> There we go, I've won.

CHIPS: What is that? You've just scribbled 'I am black' in capital letters over a three of clubs.

MAXWELL: It's the race card, I'm playing the race card.

CHIPS: That's not a valid card. There are 52 cards in a pack and...

MAXWELL: White cards.

CHIPS: Irrelevant. There are 52 cards and the...race card is not one of them. You've lost.

MAXWELL: It's because I'm black, isn't it?

CHIP: What? No it's how the game...

MAXWELL: It is. You racist, <shouting> RACIST! RAC...

CHIPS: No, stop, stop, shh. Okay okay you win.

<BACK TO STUDIO>

ANCHOR: There's a reason we don't usually cover games or pasttimes. Out of interest, I should add that the players we heard from there are both in fact Caucasian males.

I like the idea, and the dialogue between the players is fine, but the framing device with the anchor doesn't work. You need to find a more economical way to set it up the gag, and a less fussy way of winding up the sketch.

Didn't really work for me. Timbo makes good comments.

Welcome to the forum Matt.

Decent central joke here. Maybe could be more cleanly delivered.

Think about how a sketch you like plays its laughs. You won't find the final laugh capped off with an explanation. If an explanation is required, the dialogue needs to be tweaked to encompass that more naturally.

You have a good basis here to start with, it just needs to be tweaked as mentioned by the others.

um would be a typical scene for family guy, email seth with that

+ I've just noticed something after a re-read, you mention its the Ritz Casino in 'London' but the prize is in dollars?.. that doesn't quite work out !