Tramp

EXT. DAY. FIELD.

A TRAMP IS SLEEPING, HE STARTS TO WAKE UP.

HE LOOKS SURPRISED, RUBS HIS EYES AND THEN SWIGS SOME WHISKEY.

CUT TO TRAMP P.O.V. HE SEES JESUS ON THE CROSS.

JESUS:
Tramp, you've been drinking way, way too much. Do you not think it's time you cut down?

PULL BACK TO REVEAL TRAMP NODDING AT A SCARECROW.

I like it

One point though, I think Jesus would say something like "My child" rather than "tramp".

I'd play it a bit longer. Get the tramps reaction, nodding, pouring the whiskey away.

Maybe foreshadow the reveal by having wood pigeon or something land on Christ's head.

Great idea Nigel. Agree with Timbo regarding fleshing it out.

Quote: Timbo @ August 18 2009, 1:08 AM BST

I'd play it a bit longer. Get the tramps reaction, nodding, pouring the whiskey away.

Maybe foreshadow the reveal by having dove or something land on Christ's hand.

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May be better.

Quote: Nil Putters @ August 18 2009, 9:21 AM BST

May be better.

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Yes, and then in the reveal have it as a skanky old pigeon.

Would like to see Hayley Mills play the tramp.

Quote: youngian @ August 18 2009, 9:51 AM BST

Would like to see Hayley Mills play the tramp.

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When I saw her as Pollyanna it was obvious she would turn to drink.

Quote: Timbo @ August 18 2009, 9:28 AM BST

Yes, and then in the reveal have it as a skanky old pigeon.

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Indeed.

Like the idea, and the suggestions. Tramp should collapse onto his knees at the sight of Jesus.

I quite like it as it is.

All good.
Whichever way you do it.