The Three Wise Men

In case anyone is wondering why I'm writing so many sketches, I got knocked off my bike last week and so I'm stuck at home. Writing seems to be keeping me pleasantly occupied!

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy:

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THE THREE WISE MEN ARE TRUDGING SLOWLY ACROSS THE STARLIT DESERT

(FOR THE PURPOSES OF EASY READING, THEY SHALL BE CALLED DAVE, BARRY, AND STEVE)

DAVE:
Are we nearly there yet?

STEVE:
Give it a rest will you. You've been like this for the last three days solid and it's really annoying.

DAVE:
I can't help it if I'm bored.

BARRY:
Only boring people get bored. Get over it. We aren't far off now anyway.

DAVE:
Where are we going anyway? I thought we were just getting presents for your kid's birthday?

STEVE:
Not my kid, and not just any old kid. He's the King of Everything. Which is why I've bought him the finest Frankincense money can buy.

BARRY:
He is the Almighty, here to save the world. A very important person, hence why I've bought him the purest gold available to man.

DAVE:
Oh. I didn't realise this was so important.

BARRY:
Why? What did you get him?

DAVE LOOKS WORRIED

DAVE:
Buckaroo...

END

Andy.

The punch line is excellent.

I would scrap the names you have and put in the real names, they must be available on the internet somewhere - or read your bible. It puts it more in context which will make your punchline even funnier.

I'd trim some of it a bit.

He is the Almighty, here to save the world. A very important person, hence why I've bought him the purest gold available to man

This I would change to

He's the Messiah, here to save the world. Hence I've bought a gift of the purest gold.

I'd also get a gag in at the start about the camel sadle rubbing his arse red raw.

Hope this helps.

Thanks for your input, appreciate it. I figured, since none of the names are mentioned in the sketch, it wouldn't matter, but do you think it would work better if they had names like Ezikiel and stuff like that?

Agree with you on the trimming.

Is 'Are we nearly there yet?' in a whiney voice not a gag enough? It would be contrasted by the opening scene of them silhouetted against the sky plodding along the sweeping dunes

Yes I think it would better - at the moment we get the impression that we in the modern age. But by using the real names, the twist becomes more of a twist.

The real names are
Casper
Mechior
Balthasar.

Thanks very much

Quote: andyroo @ August 13 2009, 11:35 AM BST

Thanks very much

View original

No problems - hope it was some help. Good luck with it.

Good idea and good punch.

What Timbo said.

Thanks fellas. Much appreciated

Personally, a bit mainstream for me. It's well-written though, and would make the masses laugh in a sketch show, so what do I know?

Well done!

Dan

I got a hearty laugh from the punch. Nice one.

Thanks again guys. Do I get paid now?

Agree with others, I liked the ending.

Liked it too.

Just so you know, it's normally Balthasar 'Melchior' and 'Caspar', though there's no biblical basis for them having those names.

Quote: Rob H @ August 13 2009, 9:17 PM BST

Liked it too.

Just so you know, it's normally Balthasar 'Melchior' and 'Caspar', though there's no biblical basis for them having those names.

View original

Also worth knowing that one is a professor and one is a friendly ghost. No idea about Melchior though.

As for the sketch - I agree with the general consensus. The punch is great, the dialogue needs trimming and use the real (imagined) names, not modern ones.