Hi
this is my first posting. An my first sketch. I've got problems making a lot of my writing coherent and am aware that it's not that great. Any comments on what you think would be great, i need all the help i can get.
A TROPICAL BEACH LOCATION IN VIEW OF THE SEA. TWO SMARTLY DRESSED MEN SIT ON THE BEACH, THEY ARE WELL SPOKEN.
MAN.1
Do you think they’re coming back for us?
MAN.2
You know I don’t think so old boy. Seems like they’ve gone off into the sea and forgotten about us. We shouldn’t have taken so long getting them coconuts.
MAN.1 (Nods agreeing)
Shall I phone them, on my mobile?
MAN.2
You know, no, how bout sending a text
MAN.1
(Takes a mobile out of his pocket and dusks the sand off it) Oh, it’s all covered in sand
(Fumbles with it)
(Dictates)
To captain, we are on the beach, come back kindly, we went to look for coconuts.
Send
Shouldn’t be long now
BOTH MEN CASUALY REST UPON THE BEACH
MAN.1
Do you think maybe, just maybe the captain left us behind here on purpose?
MAN.2
He’s a respectable man is captain Moawbe, he wouldn’t do that.
MAN.1
Yes I guess your right old boy. But you know he is interesting fellow, always swearing, always (impersonating) f**kin this, f**kin that, f**kin coconuts
MAN.2 (smiles nostalgically)
(Continues impersonating) f**kin break your head with a coconut, smash that white mans brain. (end impersonations) He was an enjoyable fellow.
MAN.1
You know, why do you think he tied our hands and feet together?
MAN.2
Probably for our own safety, didn’t want us accidentally pressing any of his high tech equipment.
MAN.1
You mean like his ipod mini.
MAN.2 (nods affirmative)
Indeed. Remember how he used to go on about it “don’t touch my f**kin ipod, I kill ten South Africans for that ipod.” , Classic Moawbe.
MAN.1
You know I miss him already.
MAN.2
Me too
A SMALL NATIVE AFRICAN BOY APPEARS FURTHER INLAND SHOUTING AND WAVING HIS ARMS. HE IS PANICED, APPEARS TO BE CALLING IN WARNING
MAN.1
Would you look at that little African boy over there. What’s he saying, I can’t make it out.
MAN.2
Let me deal with this
MAN.2 STANDS UP AND CALLS BACK TO THE BOY
MAN.2
No, we don’t want anymore f**king coconuts!
BOY CONTINUES CALLING
(CONT.) No, we have plenty!
(to MAN.1) what is wrong with him, is he deaf
MAN.1
Maybe we should go give him a good kicking
THE BOY POINTS TO A SMALL RICKETY SHACK OF A BOAT WHICH APPROACHES INLAND BEHIND THE TWO MEN. THE BOYS RUNS AWAY IN FEAR. THE BOAT PULLS UP ON SHORE, A DARK AFRICAN MAN WITH AN EYE PATCH AND A STAINED VEST DISEMBARKES. HE HOLDS AN AUTOMATIC RIFLE AND RUNS UP THE SHORE SHOUTING. THE TWO MEN TURN AROUND
MAN.1
My God, its captain Moawbe, he’s come back for us.
CAPTAIN MOAWBE POINTS THE RIFLE AT THE MEN, AND BRANDISHES IT AGGRESSIVELY
MOAWBE
Get in the f**kin boat, I kill you white devil. I cut off your arms, pull out your insides. Get in the f**kin boat!!
MAN.2 (in joy)
We’re saved!