British Comedy Guide

From an English exam in Latvia.

Well, this is a comedy board.

This is supposedly from the twelfth grade English exam, so they are eighteen.
The first sentence kills.

REASONS FOR LEAVING LATVIA:

• My werry not like that Latvia is crize.
• Big crize in Latvia is very very big.
• Latvia is economical unstabil.
• Even before Latvia was with one leg in swamp.
• crises - crisis - crizis- crizse - crisys - creeze - creces - cheres - crise - krizs - crusis - cris - krizis - kryzis - chrysis - kreasis - chrais - crisess - krais
• Firstafall - firstavl - firstabile - First to fall - firstabl - First of fal
• The thirsty reason [third?]
• Nowerdays - now a days
• I don't finksow
• kwik deshisions
• nesusary
• pickause
• kwecshen
• cwoleti
• sench [thanks]
• Thoos hoos…
• Pissimistic
• European United [red.- EU]
• It is nafing.
• Political eat gold.
• Mushroom peackers
• Water polusion and lemons rayn [acid rain???]
• My drems is I have home, car, girl and any think.
• I thenk Latvia looks good, but reasons to peoples don't give.
• In our country survives only the strongest like in savanna.
• The salary of working people is falling with a speed of "Boeing 747".
• Latvia can't give money to people, but Latvia can give them big life experience how to live without money. [now, that is true :D]
• When you work in England you don't need be very smart, you need only legs and arms and something else. [oh God! :D]
• The smartest part of pollution immigrates.
• I was working about animal.
• In Latvia not job, not good ministrys. Not future in Latvia, nothing everything How I know in Latvia is werry bad politicen but other countries is normal politic.
• If the government do nofing nobody live in Latvija and pay a log.
• Our ministrs who don't have study any education.
• I have to say that Latvia is like a food - for someone it feels like a delicious cake but for others like an old fish.
• … without you country will become empty, old and sad.

MY PERSONALITY

• My personality was born very late in me.
• But there is bad things in me too. I can't kept secrets in me. And friends know it. Sometimes they don't tell me all because there are afraid of my "bigmouth". I am trying to get better.
• My best quality are policemen.
• I'am is friendly.
• I am not lazy I just rest before I get tired. [excellent!]
• I am burned in family when is father and mother.
• I am a little bit king girl and that likes my mum.
• I am very friendlich and sweet.
• I am a coal gay.
• I'm very simple gay.
• He tell me much complimate.
• My best qualities? Well, patience is not one of them.
• I want change my relation sheep with girls because there are very good.
• I must change only one thing in my personality, it is opportunity to love some women longer than one week.
• I love my girlfriend very much and I'm not the only one.
• Main thing what could change my personality are woman.
• In my personality I want to change my nose, it's too big.
• I think I pozitiva persona. I am hungry, silence, pozitiva.
• I sing my best quality is a sport.
• They like my sunshein.
• Caracter feethers.
• I think my best qualetys are characteristics.
• Of course, there is several think why people dislike me, mostly it because I still haven't learnt to drink alchohol. I'm beginning drink I can't stop for a while.
• Another people have a their like. One people have a good like, the second difference.

GIVING ADVICE FOR NOT LEAVING SCHOOL

• Dear Donald, I'm writing to apply for the position of your problem.
• It's nice to have a litter from you.
• Shot down computer, radio and TV.
• School is very cool. In school you teach many teahers, they learn you.
• First to fall you hav regulary came to school.
• To get in hairy school you need to show your knowledges.
• You must do more exercise at school for example riding books and decide mathematic task.
• You can find some learning methodios. For example, you can learn with your girlfriend.
• If you like laguages, you can chose to be English teacher! In nowdays this is very good job and also you can get monny to feet they families.
• Schul is a gud thing.
• Your results at school are very improve to you study in universe.
• If I won studing in high school, I mast pain.
• I very like read box.
• I'm learning in pavar class [cooking]
• If you want dig holes you can leave school.
• In my heart live many different skills, who want to come out.
• If you leave school you will end up as a dirty worker.
• Studies are light, unstudies are darkness.
• Your friends are smelling about you.
• I look forward to herring from you.
• Yours fightfully…
• Facefully…
• Yours sencefully
• Best fishes
• Best witches
• In loff
• Thank and boy boy!
• Yours seincerely, advicement
• Sincialy - sincerety - sciencierly

-----
I think we are in deep deep arse.

Hopefully some of them will emigrate and learn some proper English. But to where?

Makes more sense than some of my pupils. Actual sentence from last term

I like my teachers shits.

Don't be concerned WrongTale - if they were taking an English GCSE as a first language they'd get A*s. :)

Quote: roscoff @ August 6 2009, 10:45 AM BST

I like my teachers shits.

Laughing out loud in reference to you? We were they trying to say?

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ August 6 2009, 10:47 AM BST

Don't be concerned WrongTale - if they were taking an English GCSE as a first language they'd get A*s. :)

Laughing out loud in reference to you? We were they trying to say?

Shits = shirts

good thing it was not sheets ;)
You could get into trouble :)

Quote: WrongTale @ August 6 2009, 10:31 AM BST

Hopefully some of them will emigrate and learn some proper English. But to where?

Have a guess.

Quote: roscoff @ August 6 2009, 10:45 AM BST

Makes more sense than some of my pupils. Actual sentence from last term

I like my teachers shits.

r u an english teecher?

Quote: Bad dog @ August 6 2009, 1:56 PM BST

r u an english teecher?

I am a junior school teeeeeecher :) and am therefore feminine a paedo or gay. Actually I feel I have all bases covered :O

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