Quote: Morrace @ August 5 2009, 4:11 PM BST-- took it home for a coffee?
No, he returned your mum safely back home.
Diarrhoea. Page 2
Quote: Leevil @ August 5 2009, 4:14 PM BSTNo, he returned your mum safely back home.
Rubbish!!
I contracted some kind of horrible gutrot in Malaysia last year. I was sharting rusty water literally 30 to 40 times a day for over two weeks. The inside of my hotel's shitter looked like an inverted novelty chocolate fountain. I lost about two stone from dehydration and surely must have shat literally every last piece of errant fecal matter from my body, along with a good portion of colon lining I expect. My ring-piece must have looked like a boxer's ear by the end of it.
2 stone?
Sounds kind of worth it...
Quote: Kevin Murphy @ August 5 2009, 5:22 PM BSTMy ring-piece must have looked like a boxer's ear by the end of it.
Link?
Quote: Kevin Murphy @ August 5 2009, 5:22 PM BSTMy ring-piece must have looked like a boxer's ear by the end of it.
'ring-piece' - 'boxing' 
Quote: Morrace @ August 5 2009, 5:33 PM BST'ring-piece' - 'boxing'
My stuff works on so many levels.
Quote: Kevin Murphy @ August 5 2009, 5:34 PM BSTMy stuff works on so many levels.
You say that when you f**k in an elevator?
On one notable occasional, I got the telltale intestinal spasm while the maid was cleaning the toilet, and I knew I only had about ten seconds before I was spraying liquid filth in massive arcs across the room.
The maid's English wasn't great, and it was only when I started to drop trou in front of her did she realise she'd better get out of the bathroom. Fortunately, I made it to the throne before the first gush.
It took about five minutes before the contractions stopped, and the poor woman waited patiently outside throughout. Despite my biting down on my hand hard enough to draw blood, she surely heard my wails and groans through the open door. It felt like I was shitting out a lung, for real.
I'd been eating a lot of curried cabbage at the time, and the smell, sweet Jesus. I swear I could hear her gagging when she returned to clean up.
Quote: zooo @ August 5 2009, 5:25 PM BST2 stone?
Sounds kind of worth it...
It is never worth it...
Quote: Kevin Murphy @ August 5 2009, 5:53 PM BSTThe maid's English wasn't great, and it was only when I started to drop trou in front of her did she realise she'd better get out of the bathroom.
I had a similar experience 2 years ago at the airport in Berlin. My flight was hours late and when we landed the airport was deserted. It was my first time in Germany and I was having my typical bout of traveler's intestinal distress. I jogged for what seemed like miles before I found a bathroom in a back corridor. There was a maid mopping the floor and a turnstile blocked the entrance. The was a sign that clearly indicated that I needed to insert a Euro coin, but we'd just departed England and all I had were pounds and dollars. The maid kept pointing at the sign until I waved a handful of UK and U.S. notes and did the "I have to poop NOW" dance. She reluctantly opened the turnstile and I raced to the nearest stall and made some of the rudest noises imaginable.
I think she ran out in horror because she wasn't around when I exited the stall.
Quote: DaButt @ August 6 2009, 3:09 AM BSTI had a similar experience 2 years ago at the airport in Berlin. My flight was hours late and when we landed the airport was deserted. It was my first time in Germany and I was having my typical bout of traveler's intestinal distress. I jogged for what seemed like miles before I found a bathroom in a back corridor. There was a maid mopping the floor and a turnstile blocked the entrance. The was a sign that clearly indicated that I needed to insert a Euro coin, but we'd just departed England and all I had were pounds and dollars. The maid kept pointing at the sign until I waved a handful of UK and U.S. notes and did the "I have to poop NOW" dance. She reluctantly opened the turnstile and I raced to the nearest stall and made some of the rudest noises imaginable.
I think she ran out in horror because she wasn't around when I exited the stall.
Was her name Morrace? There's always one of them hanging about in toilets 
Quote: DaButt @ August 6 2009, 3:09 AM BSTand did the "I have to poop NOW" dance.