According to the bumps on my head, I am a sheep thief.
Status report Page 977
Quote: Ben @ August 5 2009, 3:55 PM BSTI think I've heard that gag.
Not every single line I post can exude the shimmering allure of freshly-mined comedy gold, Ben. Not every line.
Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at Large @ August 5 2009, 4:04 PM BSTIt really was intended for the above use.
Oh, I believe you. But, and here's where my argument falls down *maths*. Isn't it just calculating an "average". The results will then be determined by a professional, who will run further "tests" (looking at you) and realizing you are in fact a rugby player.
Quote: chipolata @ August 5 2009, 4:05 PM BSTIn other words, stick to phrenology.
Quote: chipolata @ August 5 2009, 3:44 PM BSTI've just weighed myself in the kitchen. 12 stone exactly.
How long is that in the oven?
Christ, the fire alarm's going now!
Quote: chipolata @ August 5 2009, 4:15 PM BST
Christ, the fire alarm's going now!
That happened to me halfway through a haircut at Euston station once. An hour I had to wait with half a head of hair. Good times.
Quote: Tim Walker @ August 5 2009, 4:07 PM BSTNot every single line I post can exude the shimmering allure of freshly-mined comedy gold, Ben. Not every line.
You make me laugh enough as it is, Tim.
Fire alarm over. I've just been outside on the grass for half an hour. Just standing there like a lemon. On my own. Not with anybody else. Alone. 
Quote: chipolata @ August 5 2009, 4:51 PM BSTFire alarm over. I've just been outside on the grass for half an hour. Just standing there like a lemon. On my own. Not with anybody else. Alone.
Crying?
Roo is drinking coke and thinking about the best way of flogging her dress.
Quote: David Bussell @ August 5 2009, 4:54 PM BSTCrying?
Yes. Inside.
Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at Large @ August 5 2009, 4:55 PM BSTthinking about the best way of flogging her dress.
With a length of bamboo?
Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at Large @ August 5 2009, 4:55 PM BSTRoo is drinking coke and thinking about the best way of flogging
My kind of gal! 
Quote: Matthew Stott @ August 5 2009, 4:56 PM BSTWith a length of bamboo?
Selling my little Manmonkey, I meant selling.
It's not as if I can wear it again. Not unless I move to India and star in a film.
Quote: chipolata @ August 5 2009, 4:56 PM BSTMy kind of gal!
Behave.
Now bite down on this pencil, bend forward and count to 20.