Pussy comes of age

EXT. DAY - STREET.

Two old ladies, ELSIE and BARBARA talking at a bus stop.

ELSIE: Well, of course, animals do what comes naturally, they have since time immemorial.

BARBARA: I know...but it made me feel a bit 'you know'.

ELSIE: Look, ALL animals mate, Barbara, including cats. It's perfectly natural.

BARBARA: I appreciate that, but it feels different when it's your own cat. I mean, I remember my little Molly when she was just a furry little ball.

ELSIE: You've just got to accept it, she's not a kitten any more, she's grown into a queen cat, and therefore "sexually active"! It's what mature animals do.

BARBARA: Of course, you're right.[BEAT] I just couldn't come to terms with seeing her being mounted before my very eyes, in the middle of my back lawn by Mr Lucky, especially as Mr Lucky belongs to Mr Johnson next door. I mean, it's all so embarrassing.

ELSIE: Well, as I keep saying, that's nature for you. [BEAT] Wait a minute, the Johnsons don't have a cat, do they? Isn't Mr Lucky their Vietnamese pot-bellied pig?

BARBARA: Yes.

END

I laughed more when I thought Mr Lucky was the next-door neighbour himself! I think that would work better -- I don't really think pigs/dogs/cats mounting each other is all-too-groundbreaking.

Maybe if he had a ridiculous pet (walrus, grizzly bear, etc) or, even better, if Mr Lucky was Mr Johnson's lodger?

Dan

Nice one, Geoff. Dan's idea is a good one too – how about:
________________________________________________________________________________

EXT. STREET. DAY.

TWO OLD LADIES, ELSIE AND BARBARA ARE CHATTING AT A BUS STOP.

BARBARA: And there she was, my little cat, being – er - done.

ELSIE: Doggie fashion?

BARBARA: Well, she was wearing her tartan flea-collar... but I really felt for her.

ELSIE: Animals do it as well - we all do it...(PONDERS) well - did it.

BARBARA: I know...but it made me feel a bit, well, you know, my own cat - on the lawn!

ELSIE: It's perfectly natural to be taken on the lawn - even for cats.

BARBARA: But it's different when it's my little Molly.

ELSIE: True I 'spose.

BARBARA: I mean, I remember when she was just a furry little ball.

ELSIE: She's a big furry pussy now, Barbara. She's matured.

BARBARA: But that big hairy Mr Lucky next door leaps over the fence and mounts her on the flower bed.

ELSIE: That's bound to happen when there's a tom living next door.

BARBARA: But it's not a tom, Elsie -

ELSIE: it's not?

BARBARA: No - it's an Arthur - Arthur Lucky.

ELSIE: Oh...

________________________________________________________________________________

Thanks for the advice [Dan] and the re-write [Morrace]. It's much better now.

What a team.

Yep -agree with the reworking - it's a funny concept, but the original last line (or penultimate line) felt like it was trying to cram too much exposition in.

Quote: Morrace @ July 29 2009, 4:32 PM BST

Nice one, Geoff. Dan's idea is a good one too – how about:
________________________________________________________________________________

EXT. STREET. DAY.

TWO OLD LADIES, ELSIE AND BARBARA ARE CHATTING AT A BUS STOP.

BARBARA: And there she was, my little cat, being – er - done.

ELSIE: Doggie fashion?

BARBARA: Well, she was wearing her tartan flea-collar... but I really felt for her.

ELSIE: Animals do it as well - we all do it...(PONDERS) well - did it.

BARBARA: I know...but it made me feel a bit, well, you know, my own cat - on the lawn!

ELSIE: It's perfectly natural to be taken on the lawn - even for cats.

BARBARA: But it's different when it's my little Molly.

ELSIE: True I 'spose.

BARBARA: I mean, I remember when she was just a furry little ball.

ELSIE: She's a big furry pussy now, Barbara. She's matured.

BARBARA: But that big hairy Mr Lucky next door leaps over the fence and mounts her on the flower bed.

ELSIE: That's bound to happen when there's a tom living next door.

BARBARA: But it's not a tom, Elsie -

ELSIE: it's not?

BARBARA: No - it's an Arthur - Arthur Lucky.

ELSIE: Oh...

________________________________________________________________________________

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Enjoyed Morrace's take on this.