At The Market

F/X: A BUSTLING EAST-END MARKET

VENDOR #1:
Carrots! Get your carrots!

VENDOR #2:
Apples! Luvverly apples!

TRADER:
Herpes! Get your herpes here! Gonorrhea!

WOMAN:
Hello. How much are your herpes, please?

TRADER:
Fifty pee a pound.

WOMAN:
What colours do you have them in?

TRADER:
Standard red, miss, with an off-white cap.

WOMAN:
Do you have anything in brown?

TRADER:
My anal warts are in season.

WOMAN:
Are they organic?

TRADER:
Yes, madam. Fully organic, locally produced.

WOMAN:
Okay, I'll take a bunch of those. One herpe, just in case. And how much are your pubic lice?

TRADER:
Four pound fifty, miss.

WOMAN:
Pricey.

TRADER:
They're free range.

WOMAN:
Okay, I'll take a punnet.

TRADER:
Six fifty. Cheers. Bye now.

WOMAN:
Bye.

Could be ended better, but I did like your singular of herpes, that made me laugh

You don't need the first two lines tbh, just get straight in there. Public lice could be organic rather than free range?

Maybe a bit of a twist for the end is her saying "they're only six quid down that end" and someone else is undercutting him. Or she moves on and the next stall is a pharmacist providing the cures? Needs something a bit punchier there, I reckon.

Dan

Quote: swerytd @ July 27 2009, 3:08 PM BST

Public lice could be organic rather than free range?

View original

But pubic lice are mobile.

Funny.
Needs a punchline.
And I'd give the trader the punnet line - don't know why but I like the sound of " £4.50 a punnet".
Perhaps a few more comedy quantaties?
Herpes "£2.50 a card"
Anal warts by the brace?

Just babbling now..

Nicely written and the outrageousness raises a smile, but it doesn't actually go anywhere.

Quote: Timbo @ July 27 2009, 7:40 PM BST

Nicely written and the outrageousness raises a smile, but it doesn't actually go anywhere.

View original

That's probably why Newsjack rejected it.