British Comedy Guide

Newsjack reject: Nick Griffin meets Paddington

Sent this one off for the last episode:-

NARRATOR: "Whilst Paddington Bear was out for a stroll, one sunny Thursday morning, the Brown's
received an unexpected caller at 32 Windsor Garden."

F/X: DOOR BELL.

MR BROWN: "I wonder who that could be."

F/X: DOOR OPENS.

MR BROWN: "Hello?"

MR GRIFFIN: "Hello. I'm Nick Griffin, leader of the British National Party. Are the residents home?"

MR BROWN: "I am the resident. My name is Mr Brown. How may I help you?"

MR GRIFFIN: "Oh! Oh, I see! I must admit, I thought the worst when I heard a brown family lived here.
Well, anyway, I'm here to demand you send him back!"

MR BROWN: "Send who back?"

MR GRIFFIN: "You know who I'm talking about! Your illegal immigrant lodger, Paddington Bear!

MR BROWN: "Send Paddington back? To Darkest Peru?"

MR GRIFFIN: "We hate Peruvians, and it's the Darkest Peruvians we hate the most!"

MR BROWN: "What's that bear done this time?"

MR GRIFFIN: "Coming over here and steeling our job, Mr Brown. Stealing our jobs and, worst of all,
distributing Marmite sandwiches!"

MR BROWN: "Stealing our jobs? But Paddington doesn't have a job."

MR GRIFFIN: "Oh, I see! Sponging off benefits is he? I should have known! They're all the same! Where is
the little caniform? I'll speak to him myself."

MR BROWN: "He's not here at the moment. He's having he's elevenses with Mr Gruber."

MR GRIFFIN: "Oh, is he indeed? Another foreigner, eh! They all stick together! Well, when he gets back,
you tell him that we've just deported Madame Cholet off Wimbledon Common and he's
next! Tell him Britain wants him out!"

MR BROWN: "I'll do nothing of the sort! Goodbye Mr Griffin."

F/X: DOOR SLAMS CLOSED.

MR GRIFFIN: "Typical middle-class lefty! Oh well, on with the campaign."

F/X: MEGAPHONE DISTORTS.

MR GRIFFIN: "(D) Keep Dora the Explorer out of Britain!"

Any good?

It's not too bad at all.

Topical stuff, particularly political, is difficult to nail.

Yeah, it's marmalade not marmite.

I think the sketch is okay, but needs a stronger ending, in my opinion. Might have been better to have a bit more action: ie Paddington actually being dragged off or something.

Dan

Thanks for the replies. I know Paddington has marmalade but the joke was supposed to refer to the Marmite commercials using Paddington.

Oh, sorry. Don't watch the commercials so that went completely over my head!

Dan

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