BCG does Mock the Week

I've been given the Mock The Week book, which, despite some very funny moments, is a very hit and miss affair. However, I thought I could go through the sections week-by-week and get BCGers to come up with their own answers. I'll pick three for a kick-off and see how it goes.

For example...

- Unsuccessful Personal Ads
- Greeting Cards that won't sell
- Lines you won't find in a Harry Potter book

I'll start with:

Man seeks vegetable for fun, pleasure and post-coital stew

Congratulations, you have passed the British Immigration test. Tuck in!

Harry - you should've gone to Specsavers

Quote: Tuumble @ July 26 2009, 1:24 PM BST

- Greeting Cards that won't sell

View original

Goto 'Search" and paste "Write gag/pun to this pic for Greeting Card"

Computer geek seeks woman. Any woman! WOMEN! RING ME NOW OR I'LL WEAR YOUR FACE AS A MASK!

Well done on passing your wind!

(DANCING GRINDING HIPS) Hermione! Look at the size of this wand!

Dan

Quote: Tuumble @ July 26 2009, 1:24 PM BST

- Unsuccessful Personal Ads
- Greeting Cards that won't sell
- Lines you won't find in a Harry Potter book

View original

1. Martin, you bastard! Why do you keep reading the gay personal ads?

2. We have donated £100 to the National Pedophile Association on you behalf.

3. "I've got a magic f**king wand!" says Harry. "I can rule the friggin' world!"

Quote: Tuumble @ July 26 2009, 1:24 PM BST

- Lines you won't find in a Harry Potter book

View original

"Ron you c**t!?"

Quote: Tuumble @ July 26 2009, 1:24 PM BST

- Lines you won't find in a Harry Potter book

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"I guess Dumbledore was gay after all," said Harry, wincing as he sat down.

1. Fifty one year old 19 stone unsuccessful transsexual seeks outdoor toilet fun with bearded midget - no freaks or cigarette smokers.

2. Don Rushmore Leaving Cards

3. The bag of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Sweets were hastily put away after Ron Weasley excitedly jumped from his train carriage seat and proudly exclaimed 'This one tastes like spunk!'

- Unsuccessful Personal Ads
- Greeting Cards that won't sell
- Lines you won't find in a Harry Potter book

-Momma's boy who lives at home seeks woman to spend life with. Will need recent photo in order to get mom's approval.

-I hear you're feeling a little under the weather after having your hemmorhoids lanced.

-No, Haggrid. That overcoat doesn't make you look fat.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ July 26 2009, 3:25 PM BST

2. Don Rushmore Leaving Cards

View original

Unsuccessful personal Ads
Greetings cards that won't sell
Lines you won't find in a Harry Potter book

1. Man seeks other manly man to go camping with at weekends, to ride horses, tell manly stories, drink beer, collect firewood....etc etc

2. Happy 16th Birthday Niece- Now it's legal by age, but the incest thing is still a bit of an issue.

3. Hermione: 'Oh Harry, that will just not do! Ron's wand has such a greater girth'

Male 25, long term STD sufferer seeks female doctor for long term relationship.

Happy 112th Birthday Harry Patch

Hermione: It's about as likely as one of us being stabbed to death outside a nightclub.

- Unsuccessful Personal Ads

Man seeks daughter for fun, reply to J. Fritzl.

- Greeting Cards that won't sell

20 years in captivity today!

- Lines you won't find in a Harry Potter book

who cares, it's bound to be to do with Fritzl.

Unsuccessful personal Ads
Greetings cards that won't sell
Lines you won't find in a Harry Potter book

1.) Man with a red carnation & a copy of the Times under his arm would like to meet similar.

2.) Congratulations on your successful post Big Brother career.

3.) When Hagrid spoke, his every syllable trembled with rage.
"You never told him? you've kept it from him all these years?"
"Kept what from me?" said Harry eagerly.
"Harry" Said Hagrid - yer' a franchise."
"-- a what?" gasped Harry.
"A franchise, o' course," said Hagrid, and one that they'll rinse for every penny.

OK, the next categories from my Mock the Week book...

1. Unlikely concerts
2. Letters ignored by Jim'll Fix it
3. Unlikely Small Ads

Here's mine:

Jeff Wayne's Musical version of the Data Retention Bill

Dear Jim, can you fix it for me to swap my shop on Noel Edmond's Swap Shop?

For sale. One large Mountain. Buyer collects.