This week's reject (In relation to Boris Johnson's cameo in Eastenders)
EASTENDERS THEME TUNE
RUSTLING BUSHES
PEGGY MITCHELL
Bloody 'ell Bianca, what's that rustling in the bushes.
BIANCA
RICCCCCCCKY!
PEGGY
No don't be stupid it ain't Ricky. Go and 'ave a look.
RUSTLING OF BUSHES
BIANCA
Oh my god! I think it's an albino.
BORIS JOHNSON
Oh, uhm, hi, I'm just, uh…
BIANCA
What are you doing in a bush?!
BORIS
I, uhm, was, uh…
PEGGY
I've been looking all over for you, I want you to 'elp me.
BORIS
Uh, Uhm, What could I do for you?
PEGGY
It's about my Grant out in Afghanistan, I want 'im back here wiv me in Walford, at the Queen Vic nice and safe.
BORIS
Well, actually, statistically he is more likely to be shot or stabbed in Walford than Afghanistan, but sorting out Walford is on my list of things to do.
PEGGY
But I want 'im back wiv me, 'is family need 'im.
BORIS
Uhm, I'm sure when the work has dried up he will be back here with you soon enough Peggy.
DIRECTOR
CUT! Ok, if we could just stop it there. That was really good from you Boris but if you could stick to the lines in the script.
BORIS
(VOICE NOW CLEAR; NOT BUMBLING; THESPIAN-LIKE) Oh for the love of god, must people insist on me continuing this buffoon act. I am the mayor of London could you at least write in some lines that show off my intellect?
DIRECTOR
Uhm. Ok, Boris if you could get ready for the next scene we need you positioned to trip, fall and then pull Peggy's skirt down.
BORIS
(SIGHS) Where do you want me?
END SKETCH
Thanks for reading me.
Adam
