David Bussell
Tuesday 21st July 2009 8:10pm [Edited]
London
9,943 posts
Quote: Matthew Stott @ July 21 2009, 4:45 PM BST
I suppose, but it didn't happen. Different stories.
Hey, Matt! No, wait up, I just want to talk!
Listen, I'm really sorry about what happened yesterday when I grabbed your chest like that, I was just fooling around. I know, I know, I'm a dick. Look, I only do these things because… well, because I'm insecure. I should know better, my therapist is always telling me. You didn't know I had a therapist? Well, yeah, I get kind of… down sometimes… you know, with my step dad and everything? And there was that thing with the pills – not that I was really trying to… well, you know. Anyway, I just wanted to apologize and say I never really meant all those things. The sucker punches and the wedgies all that. I guess maybe I picked on you because I'm kind of jealous or something – you know, with your big house and your nice family and all that. Anyways, I'd better take off…. What's that? You want me to come to your birthday party? You're kidding, right? After everything I did? Well, I don't know… I mean I'd love to, but… okay then, I mean, if you really want me there. Friday night? And your parents are out of town? Okay then. Listen, I really appreciate it, things can get pretty… well, things aren't so great at my place on the weekend, you know? When Rick gets his paycheck I mean. Anyway, it's all cool now. Looking forward to it. Friday night, buddy!
*turns up at Matt's party Friday night with a bunch of drunk frat boys and proceeds to demolish the place; crimping off a fat one on the marital bed, making sexual advances on his sister and subjecting him to the sort of verbal and physical abuse that causes him to one day stroll into his school cafeteria with a pump-action and unleash a hail of lead that only stops when the SWAT team arrive and neutralize him with a single, precision bullet to the forehead*