Few short ones

Few short sketches here that I thought didn't really deem their own threads.
Feedback would be lovely
Cheers

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Dad is sat watching the football. His daughter appears behind him dressed in black and looking sad.

DAUGHTER
I'm off to my best friend's funeral dad.

DAD
(Engaged with the football)
Ok, have fun.

INT. GIG - NIGHT

A band is on stage with the crowd in front of them.

SINGER
Everybody put your hands in the air!

Everybody in the crowd complies.

SINGER
(Taking out a gun)
This is a robbery!

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

Dad is sat reading the paper. Son (aged 5) comes over with a piece of paper.

SON
I painted a picture of a moo-cow for you daddy.

Dad takes the painting and looks at it.

DAD
You've never seen a cow have you son.

INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT

Two girls are having a sleep-over and are in their PJ's.

GIRL1
Pillow fight!

Girl1 picks up a pillow and hits girl2 with it. Girl2 picks up a burlap sack labelled "Pilau Rice" and smacks girl1 with it, knocking her out.

INT. TOILETS - NIGHT

Club toilets. We hear a man making pleasurable noises until a climax. Man2 leaves a cubicle zipping up his pants and fastening his belt. Man1 leaves the cubicle next to the one Man2 left, wiping his mouth.

MAN2
Thanks for that sweetheart.

MAN1
That was you in the glory hole!?! I thought it was a woman!

Liked the 'Pilau' fight one, and the robbery one.

Forthe toilet one, was it supposed to be a unisex toilet? Don't understand that one.

Cheers for the reply.

That was my fears with the toilet one. It is a bit of a stretch, but what I was going for was that since the glory hole is anonymous, it could be anyone on the other side. It's a bit of a silly one really.

Cheers

Hi Chris,
I really like the funeral and cow sketches as is.
The band sketch would probably make a good 3 frame comic strip, but as a sketch I think it would be difficult to make it look convincing (unless for an ITV1 sketch show), it would be relatively expensive to film, and ultimately I think it may be the most obvious of the 4.
The glory-hole sketch is problematic. I do like it's oddness and wish I could think of a way to fix that hole in the set-up's internal logic, but I can't. It can be quickly retooled & repurposed with a change to the last MAN2 line.
eg.
MAN2 Dad?!
or the slightly more disturbing:
MAN2 Happy birthday dad!
Neither are as weird as the original concept, but all the cogs turn nicely.

Cheers for the thoughts

The cow one is probably my favourite out of the bunch so glad that one went down well.

The glory hole sketch was one of those silly ideas that works in your head but not so well on paper so I'm not to fussed about it really.

Thanks

Band: A very nice quickie, made me smile.

Cow: Absolutely Fantastic

The rest I just didn't get or didn't like. But those two I thought were good.

Good stuff. Could you make them as comic strips?

They're the sort of thing that would fit well on "Robot Chicken", among other things. Lightning quick with a "WTF" factor! Nice

2,3 & 4 all gave me a giggle.

DAD
You've never seen a cow have you son.

Haha

Cheers for the comments gang

Don't like the first and last. The rest are really nippy and good, quick punchy stuff you could probably do as cartoons or silently.

The Pilau rice...dman now I won't be able to do that as a signage gag.

Cow - ok, but sounds like an exchange from a sitcom rather than a sketch

Pillow fight - good, short sharp and funny. And violent. Good stuff.

Others - not really for me.

The funeral one would tickle me more if it was her mum's, rather than her best friend's.

The blowjob one would tickle me more if it was the guy who'd just had the cock in his mouth "thought it was a woman".

Quote: Kevin Murphy @ July 19 2009, 10:13 AM BST

The blowjob one would tickle me more if it was the guy who'd just had the cock in his mouth "thought it was a woman".

View original

That's the way it is at the moment isn't it?

Cheers for the comments guys.

Some nice shorts there, I agree about the one in the toilet, nice set up but, the punch line wasn't quite on the money.
Pillowfight gag was good and I can see the dad watching football bit working out as a nice repeat gag for a sketch show.

Loving your work darling =]