(FX: Bustling bar)
RICHARD
(excited) Michael Branning! Small world or what, how the Hell are you?
MICHAEL
Oh, erm, hello...sorry but, have we met?
RICHARD
Have we met he says! Still got that sense of humour of yours! Aww, mate how are you? It's been ages!
MICHAEL
(interrupting) I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse me...but I don't know you.
RICHARD
It's...it's me..Richard Alan-Thursday, remember? Monica's wedding, ninety-two.
MICHAEL
Monica?
RICHARD
Monica Brace...well, Monica Langford now. She got married in Tring in the Summer of ninety-two.
MICHAEL
I've...I've never been to Tring. I genuinely think you've got the wrong person, I'm sorry.
RICHARD
(getting angry) I haven't!! You are Michael Branning and you're a salesman for a heating company. You're married to a woman called Helena who you met in University. We spent three hours talking about your six pet parrots. I'm Richard Alan-Thursday and am an old school friend of Monica. SURELY, you remember me!?
MICHAEL
My wife is called Katrina and I met her on holiday in Mauritius six years ago. I'm alarmingly allergic to feathers, so I could never own a parrot. I'm very sorry but...I have no idea who you are.
RICHARD
(very upset) I'm sorry...to have troubled you...if you don't want to talk to me Michael that's fine. But don't make me out to be a fool...I understand...hey, nice to see you again, have a good day...oh, where's the gents?
(FX: Door swings open)
MICHAEL
Helena, Monica, he's gone!
MONICA
Oh thank God, I thought he'd never leave.
HELENA
I do feel quite bad though, he seemed to take it quite hard...maybe we should invite him for just one drink, perhaps?
MICHAEL
Here he comes now I'll tell him. Hey Richard we were...wait Richard NO!
(FX: Gun shot and splatter. Screaming and panicking)
TOM
Okay, fair enough. That was quite dark for me. That's why I made this alternative ending...
(FX: Pub bustling, Door swings)
MICHAEL
Hey, Richard, we were only kidding mate!
(FX: loud cheers)
RICHARD
Oh wow, you guys are the best!
(FX: laughter and fun, with bits of conversation montage together)
MONICA
Hey, we're all going out for a curry tonight if you fancy it?
RICHARD
I HATE INDIAN FOOD!
(FX: Gunshot)
MICHAEL
Oh my God, MEDIC!! He's just shot himself in the head! Oh, God it's everywhere.
(FX: Ambulance and concerned bustle)