random
Friday 17th July 2009 8:26pm
Lincs
1,356 posts
Agree with others. So many scenes, doing so little. But has potential
And maybe an idea to try and extract a little more humour from what you have. As an example: (probably a shit one, but you know...)
Quote: MatE @ July 15 2009, 12:50 PM BST
MICHAEL
Ha ha very funny mate! You havin' fun then?
JACK
I am boy, that's why I need to ask you a favour. D'you have a condom I can borrow mate?
MICHAEL
You're in luck my friend. I happen to have my re-useable sheath on me.
MICHAEL HOLDS UP THE RE-USABLE CONDOM.
MICHAEL
I've washed it out since I used it last, so you don't have to worry about mess or anything.
JACK
Mate, forget it I'm not using that. Forget it I don't need your condoms.
MICHAEL
Alright mate, your losing out on a free condom.
JACK
Ok mate, I'll be back in a minute mate. I've gotta sort something out.
JACK THEN WALKS OFF TO THE DJ BOOTH.
MICHAEL
Ha ha very funny mate! You havin' fun then?
JACK
I am boy, that's why I need to ask you a bit of a favour. D'you have a condom I can borrow?
MICHAEL
You are in luck my friend. I just happen to have my re-useable sheath about my person.
MICHAEL GRINS AS HE HOLDS UP HIS RE-USABLE CONDOM. JACK GRIMACES.
MICHAEL
What? What's wrong? (REALISES. LAUGHS) Don't worry; I gave it a quick rinse out... you'll have no mess or anything.
JACK
Mate, forget it, I'm not using that.
MICHAEL (TWANGING IT BY STRETCHING AND RELEASING)
That's a perfectly good re-useable sheath that is. What's wrong with it?
JACK
It's had your nob in it!
MICHAEL
So... so, has most of the women in here but that's not stopping you from trying to pull them.
JACK
Yeah whatever. Look, just forget it.
MICHAEL
Okay but you're the one losing out on a free condom.
JACK SHAKES HIS HEAD AS HE WALKS OFF TO THE DJ BOOTH.