'SexLess' -- Sitcom Page 2

Quote: Lazzard @ July 12 2009, 11:38 PM BST

It isn't the joke,
Later on he describes the soup as 'classy' , implying it is expensive.

View original

Hmm, I saw the 'classy' description, but given the somewhat over-written tone of the stage directions I saw it as a jokey, ironical remark rather than an accurate stage direction.

Clearly, I just wasn't ready to accept that I live in a world were people believe in classy soup. It's altered my perspective on life. Now I know that I actually live like a king, not a man who's too lazy to chew.

Anyway, I liked the choice of soup as her foodstuff after declaring she wants something extravagant and I think there may be a joke there writer_for_hire (if embellished slightly, with a recognition of the oddness of such a decision).

Hey, thanks for all your feedback for my first idea. Recently - and due to lack of time - I've just been writing a few sketches for this project. This is only one sketch, any feedback much appreciated as always. Thank you all.

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Late evening. Posh restaurant, perfect for a date.

BILL is a little rough round the edges but is nice enough. MEL is just your average woman; pretty and nice. They both have a menu in hand.

MEL
It all looks so nice, doesn't it?

BILL
It does, indeed.

MEL
I think I'll have the soup of the day.

BILL
You can have something a little more, you know.

MEL
Well, thank you, I'll have the soup for starters and then the lobster for the main course.

Bill gulps.

MEL
(CONT'D)
So, what are you having?

BILL
I'll have the fish.

MEL
Hmm.

BILL
(nods)
Yeah. So, I've never been on a blind date before. Quite nervous beforehand, to tell you the truth.

MEL
I know.

BILL
So, any psycho ex-boyfriends I should know about?

Bill laughs awkwardly. Mel shrugs it off.

MEL
If by that you mean assholes, then yeah, there's a few.

BILL
Oh, really, that bad?

MEL
Well, it's mostly my ex-husband. He was a bastard.

BILL
I am sorry.

MEL
Don't be, it's not your fault. I did go through a stage where I blamed myself, but it was him. It was all him.

BILL
What did he do?

MEL
He ordered me about. He didn't let me go out. He controlled me and I couldn't fight back.

BILL
My God, that's awful, that's truly awful. You know, this happens all too often, women are dominated by the men in their life.

MEL
I know. I know.

BILL
You've got to know that there's always people here for you, to help you and - if needs be - to save you.

Mel touches Bill's hand affectionately.

MEL
Thank you. So, how about your ex's?

BILL
All dead.

MEL
(chokes)
What?

BILL
Yep, killed them all. Whenever the stupid bitch doesn't listen to me, I beat her to death with my shoe.

MEL
Oh... my God.

BILL
Served time for it, got the nickname 'Woman Beater'. We had a good laugh about that, me and the lads.

Bill looks back at his menu. Mel stares blankly into space, horrified.

BILL
(CONT'D)
This is going well, isn't it?

Mel stares into space.

MEL
I think I'm going to be sick...

Quote: writer_for_hire @ July 14 2009, 9:37 AM BST

Hey, thanks for all your feedback for my first idea. Recently - and due to lack of time - I've just been writing a few sketches for this project. This is only one sketch, any feedback much appreciated as always. Thank you all.

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Late evening. Posh restaurant, perfect for a date.

BILL is a little rough round the edges but is nice enough. MEL is just your average woman; pretty and nice. They both have a menu in hand.

MEL
It all looks so nice, doesn't it?

BILL
It does, indeed.

MEL
I think I'll have the soup of the day.

BILL
You can have something a little more, you know.

MEL
Well, thank you, I'll have the soup for starters and then the lobster for the main course.

Bill gulps.

MEL
(CONT'D)
So, what are you having?

BILL
I'll have the fish.

MEL
Hmm.

BILL
(nods)
Yeah. So, I've never been on a blind date before. Quite nervous beforehand, to tell you the truth.

MEL
I know.

BILL
So, any psycho ex-boyfriends I should know about?

Bill laughs awkwardly. Mel shrugs it off.

MEL
If by that you mean assholes, then yeah, there's a few.

BILL
Oh, really, that bad?

MEL
Well, it's mostly my ex-husband. He was a bastard.

BILL
I am sorry.

MEL
Don't be, it's not your fault. I did go through a stage where I blamed myself, but it was him. It was all him.

BILL
What did he do?

MEL
He ordered me about. He didn't let me go out. He controlled me and I couldn't fight back.

BILL
My God, that's awful, that's truly awful. You know, this happens all too often, women are dominated by the men in their life.

MEL
I know. I know.

BILL
You've got to know that there's always people here for you, to help you and - if needs be - to save you.

Mel touches Bill's hand affectionately.

MEL
Thank you. So, how about your ex's?

BILL
All dead.

MEL
(chokes)
What?

BILL
Yep, killed them all. Whenever the stupid bitch doesn't listen to me, I beat her to death with my shoe.

MEL
Oh... my God.

BILL
Served time for it, got the nickname 'Woman Beater'. We had a good laugh about that, me and the lads.

Bill looks back at his menu. Mel stares blankly into space, horrified.

BILL
(CONT'D)
This is going well, isn't it?

Mel stares into space.

MEL
I think I'm going to be sick...

View original

A bit long getting there but funny.
Is the intention that he really IS a wife-beater or is it meant to be his hopeless attempt at small-talk (funnier IMHO, but your choice).
Both could be valid - but obviously which one you choose would affect where you go with this...

re: the soup/lobster gag - I think it would be better if you made it a little shorter eg (but don't take my word for it!)

MEL
I think I'll have the soup of the day...

He interrupts her.

BILL
No need to hold back, you know.

Mel finishes her sentence.

MEL
...and then the lobster!

Bill gulps.

MEL
(CONT'D)
So, what are you having?

BILL
Probably just stick with the bread. Quite a big lunch, as it happens.
Don't want to get fat!

He puffs his cheeks out in a ridiculous fashion.
Mel looks at him like he's mad.

BIL
Not that you're...um...er fat, or anything...shit.

MEL
Hmm.

Or something.