Bearded Ladies Reject

Here's one I sent to the 'Ladies' last year

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PHONE A FRIEND:

F/X:“WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE” TYPE MUSIC

MIKE:
Ok Julie, would you like to call a friend?

JULIE:
I’d like to call Joanie please Mike.

MIKE:
All right, who’s Joanie and where is she?

JULIE:
She’s at home in Wandsworth. She’s an old school friend but I only see her occasionally these days, now that I’ve moved to Edinburgh. We phone each other all the time though.

MIKE:
Would you trust her judgement?

JULIE:
Oh yeah! And she’s a scream too. We never stop once we get together. You should hear us. Like sisters we are a right pair when we start. Mind, she’s so clever though.

MIKE:
That sounds promising. Ok let’s call Joanie.

F/XHONE RINGING

JOANIE (D):
Hello.

MIKE:
Hello Joanie? It’s Mike Barrett on “Who wants a few bob?” I’ve got your pal Julie here on the show; she’s stuck on one question and thinks you can help her. The next voice you’ll hear will be Julie’s and there are four possible answers. Ok Julie my love.

F/XRAMATIC COUNTDOWN MUSIC STARTS:

JULIE:
Hi Joanie. What was the name of the robot dog in Dr Who? Was it A-Spot, B-Fido, C K9 or D Rex?

JOANIE (D):
Oh hi babe! Did you get those shoes out of the catalogue?

JULIE:
Yeah but I didn’t like them so I’m going to send them back.

JOANIE (D):
Trust me, they so weren’t you. Anyway, how are the kids?

JULIE:
They’re fine. Little Patrick’s just started school and Natasha’s joined drama club. How did it all work out with Tony’s job?

JOANIE (D):
Oh that’s sorted babe. He didn’t get made redundant in the end so now he’s going to book us a week in Tener…

F/X:COUNTDOWN MUSIC ENDS INTURRUPTING

MIKE:
Oh I’m so sorry my love. You’ve run out of time.

JULIE:
Don’t worry Mike, it can’t be helped. I’ll just stop where I am. (PAUSE) And that’s my final answer.

MIKE:
Ok give her a big hand. Sorry darling you’ve won nothing at all.

F/X:MUSIC AND APPLAUSE

END:

Sorry, I thought this was lame. There are a million millionaire sketches using the catchphrases and this wasn't a great addition to the canon.
Sorry to be negative, but there are things that can improve it and others like it.
The main problem is that it takes ages in dialogue setting up a situation we already know. It would be better to start with the host asking the phone a friend. There is zero benefit in anything beforehand, but comic potential from that point on.

Badge you've confirmed my own thoughts. I thought that this wasn't really up to the mark but as it was done a year ago I thought that I'd put it up for critique and see what others thought.

I tried to write it in the show's style and thought I'd maybe achieved that.

Intrestingly I haven't seen any sketches about the Millionaire show but then maybe I don't get out much.

Cheers B

Hi Blenkinsop

Quote: Blenkinsop @ December 20, 2006, 7:36 AM

I tried to write it in the show's style and thought I'd maybe achieved that.

View original

I think you've hit the show's style spot-on there, in all honesty.

Unfortunately maybe that's your downfall -- Bearded Ladies is smirksome but never really out and out funny to me. I think you've got the style spot-on but the fact that you have means it isn't hilariously funny. I have a feeling that if it was funnier, it would have been rejected as "not in the style of the show". Does that make sense? I think it's a problem of the show and not of your writing, basically!

BTW the 'Who Wants To Win A Few Bob' line *did* make me laugh!

Dan

Hi Dan

You've hit, what I think is the problem, right on the head. There are so few chances for open door submissions on UK radio and if they are for a show with an established format and style, then this can bend the potential contributor's style into something that is not necessarily their 'best shot'

Still it's worth a go but it's a shame there aren't more opportunities like Parsons and Naylor (they didn't do a show this year) or the things like Week Ending (no longer on) that ask for topical satire.

Once somebody can break in through that route then they get more opportunity to do their own thing. Catch 22 and chicken or egg syndrome etc.

Thanks for your comments B

Hi Blenkinsop.

I think Badge got it about right as there was nothing that sparkled on this well worn theme. The flow was good, the title was a sharp take on the original but without a decent tag I'm afraid it just didn't work for me.