Any feedback is very welcome!

INT. LOUNGE – DAY

Tom is asleep on the sofa. Sarah enters.

SARAH
Tom?
(beat)

SARAH
Tom!

TOM
mmm…eh? Oh, how was your mum and dad?

SARAH
Great. Mum can't wait till the baby is born. Once she gets everyone sat around, she doesn’t want them to leave. I could murder a cup of tea.

TOM
Yeah me to. (but doesn’t move)

SARAH
I wish you could have come. We could have had a nice traditional family party. You gonna give me a hand to tidy up then? They’ll be round any minute.

TOM
Who?

SARAH
Friends. For drinks and nibbles. I told you this! Said we’d be receiving visitors from midday.

TOM
I thought bank holiday was meant to be a holiday.

SARAH
Receiving visitors is a holiday thing to do.

TOM
No it's not. it's what I do for a job. Every day visitors come. I receive cash from them and they receive some stolen electrical equipment, then they go!

SARAH
Don’t you want me to be happy? Show some responsibility. You’re not just a boyfriend anymore, you’re father to this child.

TOM
I had a big plan for today. I was gonna have a wash and everything.

SARAH
That’s not a big plan.

TOM
It would take quite a log time.

SARAH
Why don’t you read the book I bought you?

SARAH TAKES A BOOK FROM HER BAG AND HANDS IT TO TOM.

SARAH
The guide to being a perfect father.

TOM
Yeah I will. After I’ve had a couple of reads of razzle.

Knock at the door.

SARAH
I’ll get it then.

INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Sarah opens the front door.

SARAH
Hiya Helen.

HELEN
Hiya, you alright?

SARAH
Where’s the other half?

HELEN
No it's the holidays, he’s at his mum and dads.

Tom goes into the kitchen. Another nock at the front door. Sarah opens it. It's Big hairy John. There is an awkward moment, then a flashback to Sarah and big hairy John shagging behind a skip.
Sarah nods. Tom walks in.

BIG HAIRY JOHN
Alright fella, how are ya?

TOM
(Passes a fag) deep and crisp and even ta.

HELEN
I brought some crackers.

TOM
They should remarket crackers as instant litter.

Helen takes cracker box from bag.

HELEN
They’re supposed to be top quality ones. Dunno what they got inside em.

TOM
We could X-ray em.

HELEN
Have you got an X-ray?

TOM
No, it's broken. Luck I still got my super powers.

HELEN
Your kiddin.

SARAH
Ignore him Helen. I’ll put the kettle on.

HELEN
(reads from the box) Guaranteed to contain a shopping voucher to the value of either one pound, ten pound, or a hundred pounds.

BIG HAIRY JOHN
Hey, I bet you a thousand pounds it’s a one pound voucher.

Helen and Sarah go into the kitchen and Tom leads Big hairy John into the lounge.

INT. LOUNGE – DAY
Tom swigs a can of beer and Big hairy John roles a fag.

BIG HAIRY JOHN
I envy you Tom. You’ve got everything haven’t you? Your own business, lovely girlfriend, kid on the way. It’ll be Christmas soon. Kids make Christmas don’t
they?

TOM
Yep, think of the turkeys mate.

BIG HAIRY JOHN
Sarah’ll be excited about the baby to?

TOM
Suppose so. She’s doin yoga. She can actually sit on her own face.

BIG HARIY JOHN
You’ll be excited about baby then?

TOM
On the edge of my seat.

BIG HAIRY JOHN
It is exciting though isn’t it, a new baby.

TOM
Well it is yours.

BIG HAIRY JOHN
Eh? What you on about?

TOM
If you’re so excited why don’t you have it?

BIG HAIRY JOHN
Oh. Ha-ha. Hah…

TOM
Yeah see. You don’t want a kid any more than I do.
There is a knock at the door.

INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Sarah and Helen are chatting at the breakfast bar. Drinking and eating crackers.

HELEN
Sometimes, the whole pregnancy thing freaks
me right out.

SARAH
God, tell me about it.

HELEN
It's like invasion of the body snatchers isn’t it? Just think, every time you sleep, they grow and grow and become more and more like you.

SARAH
Well, not just when you sleep, they grow all the time.

HELEN
Is that right? God that’s even scarier.

SARAH
When I first found out I was pregnant it just wouldn’t sink in. you know, it didn’t seem real. Then, one day, I was in the chemist and I bought a little bar of baby soap. When I got home, I put it in the bathroom cabinet. And some how…just having that little bar of soap there, it made the baby seem more real.

HELEN
I bought my one a plastic helter skelter. It plays ‘la Vida Loca and has coloured balls.

thess are a few pages from my second sitcom as no one seemed to like the first! i'd be very grateful for any feedback. thak you.

It is set in Tom and Sarah's house. a young couple expecting a baby.

Yeah, don't bump please. This is a two way deal here Mr. F () They're a lot of people who want their stuff critiquing and chances are, if people are going to take time reading something, it'll be with someone they know.

You'll have to be patient or integrate yourself into the community more. Critique other peoples sketches, get yourself recognized.

But most importantly, have a nice day.

P.S. I'll have to read it later, too knackered at the moment.

I'm really sorry! i did'nt know it was called bumping and i did'nt know it was not allowed. I wont do it again! sorry!

You mean you didn't read the rules before you signed up !!!!!!

First note on your script, SARAH speaks and then pauses, you don't need to add her name twice, just SARAH: Tom? (beat/no response) Tom?!

Yes, I liked it. Already from this small sample I could feel something for these characters, although just Tom and Sarah at the moment. The jokes are okay, but do you want to just settle for okay? I'll even say they were "nice", but given a few goings over I think you should be able to do better, you have some nice little observations and the subject of a young couple with a baby is quite a fresh idea, to me anyway, it certainly something I haven't thought about writing about.

The dialog flows well, but at the same time it doesn't? You need to go through every word and give it great thought.

But enough of my rambling criticism, overall I liked the subject you've chosen and Tom and Sarah seem very likable.

Just go through it, correct the spelling mistakes and change a few words, learn some self editing.

brilliant. thanks for the advice!

There is some good dialogue in there. It seems to be an extract lifted from the middle of your sitcom. I felt after reading, that I should already be acquainted with the characters. I think you may have something here. Keep on going.