Comments Please

I have recently been writing a comedy set in a supermarket called Happy Shopper, and I have just completed a synopsis for it. I was wondering if anyone willing could look over the synopsis below and give me any feedback. Many Thanks

Synopsis for “Happy Shopper”

Fresh Feeling is a Supermarket that time forgot, it survives because the locals can’t get a bus to the hypermarket outside of town. Simon has recently returned to working there, he had left at the age of 18 to go to University after completing a degree in Film & Television studies he has the depressing honour of not being able to get a job with his degree and has been forced to return three years later to his first job stacking shelves.

Kevin is Simon’s best friend from School they were inseparable until Simon left for University, Kevin preferred to stay on working and is more than happy with his position in life. Delighted that his friend has returned, he is more concerned with his attempts to woo the checkout girl Sue, however their dates are often disasters; they like each other though and are persistent to give their relationship a proper go.

Simons days are illuminated by his many colleagues in particular Russell the trolley boy who models himself on Russell Brand he actually believes he is Russell Brand. Looking for a quiet life for the time being Simon quickly finds himself thrown into the spotlight by various incidents that happen during his shifts, the first being the suspected discovery of a terrorist bomb left down the booze isle.

Thanks Again.

Good idea but hard to give a proper opinion until there is a script. Simon sounds a little like Tim in the office!

Need to read a few scenes to comment.

Thanks for the comments, I know it is hard to make a judgement without a script, I will upload one soon, I just wondered really if the synopsis had enough in it, or should I make it longer and more detailed??

Many Thanks

You need to open with one line to sell the show. Then followed by a page description.

A Page, core blimey, I must say I really enjoy writing the script but find doing a summary really tedious, I thought it would be better to just give an overview and let the script do the talking. I don't know if that is the same for anyone else, perhaps it's just because I hate selling things.

Quote: Happy Shopper @ August 22, 2007, 3:29 PM

A Page, core blimey, I must say I really enjoy writing the script but find doing a summary really tedious, I thought it would be better to just give an overview and let the script do the talking. I don't know if that is the same for anyone else, perhaps it's just because I hate selling things.

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Yeah, it's a pain, but its the way it goes. It's like being back at school.

See me after Shopper! And stop picking your nose!

Alright Alright, Fair Enough, Page it is.

I read a lot of summaries - don't a page, that'll put someone off. Half a page on the show and half a page about yourself is perfect.

Please make it punchy - All of the following should have (at most) a sentence each: Setting; Era; main character; main character motivation; all other regular characters; any (comedic) complications or obstacles; a summary of the first episode (yes, only one (at the very maximum two) sentences for this also).

All ONE paragraph and double spaced. Your version is way too wordy.

Being this restrictive will make you a better writer.

P.s. great name for the main character.

Many Thanks for the advice, I will give it another go following the guidelines you have set out. I have a fair few characters in it and I didn't want to overload the reader with "this character is like this and he does this" if you see what I mean.

You should be able to cover all the secondary characters in a sentence or two. e.g.:

'and Simon turns up at the supermarket only to find out that his fellow employee thinks he's Russell Brand, the person in the meat department is a chimp, the cleaner has superhuman powers, the maintenance guy is etc., and the boss is a control freak. On top of that, Simon has a crush on the checkout girl who used to be a man.'

This is all you need for character synopsis. And as you are selling the script to them, cherry-pick the most unusual characters - it's ok to leave some out if they sound boring in summary.

I really like the sound of it, by the way.