any feedback would be much appreciated !

I'm not sure if this is meant to be a sitcom? If so I have no idea what is going on, there is no plot developing whatsoever, it seems more like bits from a stand up routine put into the mouths of these characters.

There are some okay gags, but nothing that really stands out. If this is a sitcom you may want to think about where this episode is leading and how to move it forward structuring the jokes around the plot.

Not bad though, keep at it.

I liked the banter between the characters and was entertained though I'm not sure how much longer my interest would have lasted unless "something" happened - i.e. some form a story. I think there are some good lines - "I wouldn’t wanna touch a big buttery cock at that time in the morning." - being my favourite (when would be a good time to touch one of those?). I'm not sure what the set up is (I'm assuming it's a flat-share sitcom?) but I think with a bit more story and maybe something to distinguish it from crowd you might have something.

Bo.

That’s right Bo, it is a house share. Thanks for your comments. I was inspired by series like 'the Royle Family' and 'Marion and Geoff', where there are no big story lines or clever plot twists. Instead, the audience is gradually drawn in to the world of the characters and the further you go, the more that is revealed.

But thanks again for your thoughts, I really appreciate it.

Just two questions, where is the comedy and what is the plot?

Not sure i understand what you are writing and i'm afraid i switched off as it was not going anywhere. The scene is people having a chat and i can get that from Big Brother.

With a bit (OK, a lot) of work and structure you could have something what do you want us to learn about your charachters from these scenes? Keep at it, good luck.

i have rplaced the extract with the opening scene. I hope you guys dont hate it quite as much.

thanks

Again, apologies for criticizing but you did ask for feedback.

It's very bland. It sounds like you are one of the guys who goes to college/uni and this is a conversation you've had/sort of had with a roommate, or as someone mentioned, one from the tedium that is Big Brother. Writing needs to be of quality, and the way you get that is by writing down tons of stuff and then sorting the wheat from the chaff. Write something else and something else and then come back to what you've written in a few weeks with fresh eyes and see if it can be improved. I found this hard scrolling down for more.

Listen to conversation and how people speak. Do they start sentences in a particular way, do they end them with a tag like........you know. Is one of the characters educated and the other not? Is one scruffy and the other neat? Build them up in your head beforehand and apply it or adjust it after you've written it down to show what the characters are really like. At the moment they sound like the same person.

I was not a big fan of The Royle Family as I like comedies with pace that go places. That show got off the ground because it was different and well written, but it was a one-off and I don't think it has the longevity of something with a plot with pace.

Also, a comedy needs conflict and has to be funny, continually so. Family and friends may laugh at things you say, but will others? If you build your characters up to be a three-dimensional person they may well.