Hi Norm,
You could alter your intro to;
"I know what you were thinking, an 80 year-old with an allotment".
You could go on to say that you DO have an allotment, primarily because the 6 x 4 potting shed gives you your own space. The potting shed could then become your hypothetical "den of iniquity" with references during your routine.
I enjoy stand-ups more when they use an underlying theme, particularly if the parting punch references it.
Enjoyed this pal.
Some good material, and potential.
Thanks Scotty Dog... thank you very much! Actually means a lot all you guys enjoying this, as I said, was my first attempt. I was half-expecting to be crucified!!
And Geoff, thanks for the advice too... I may not go with the allotment idea.. however you have given me some good ideas that I'll try and follow up on!!
I'm going to try and write-up a proper script of gags about my encounter with a kangaroo!!!
After thinking about you guys input about the paedo gag at the very start... here is my new opener...
Hi, my name's Norman - I know that's an unusual name for a guy my age. I probably should explain it - my parents were expecting a 79-year old!!!
- better?
There's about a minute of material there, I think?
Quote: Norm @ June 21 2009, 11:54 PM BSTHi there, I think the reason they are up late, is cause they're sleep late.. they're nocturnal! I mean, I'd never hire a deaf person they'd always be late... "yeah... the alarm didn't go off!!"
Ross Noble did a bit about the whole late night sign language/deaf people being nocturnal on one of his DVD's. You may want to have a look at that and judge how similar you deem it and how much you care if people notice (not many will). It's a cracking observation though, just one that another comedian has also had and beaten you to recording it for posterity. (I think it was the Regents Park gig, not sure what the DVD is called).
Other than that I'd imagine that'd all go down well. But writing the material is the easy part.
Hi Norm,
Liked several of these gags. In particular I think the new opener is much better that the original. There may be further stuff about how you can sound funky with a name like Norman. They could also, of course, have been expecting an 11th century french invader (but that would be very audience dependent - and possibly just crap!). If the areas you cover have been covered by others, just make sure your's has a different feel.
A very good start, but as Evelyn points out the really difficult bit lies ahead!
Good luck.
I agree with others I think the Paedo stuff is a bit old hat and possibly a bit obvious. But keep going at it. Very few writers, with the possible exception of Peter Cook, write really good stuff at 18. Most of us never actually ever do. Comedy writing is probably the most difficult kind of writing to get right but at least you are having a go mate.
As a monologue, it starts well and has a nice pace, then it falls as you wander from the point and the gags begin to feel forced. You've got a good feel for the funny though =] I'd say yeah make videos, you'll start to see how your comedy pans out in the real world! But, for a first effort, really not bad at all sir, I applaud anyone who outs their selves out there! (applause from JOHN) =]