evelynblake
Friday 3rd July 2009 12:59pm [Edited]
51 posts
Call-girl one is my favourite there Dan, I imagined it in more of a pathetic voice intially before I saw your direction.Jack The Lad probably captures the mundane sleaziness of the scenario a little better there. So nice choice.
May as well stick mine up here, these three are from this week.
VOX POPS:
Nah, the Queen don't deserve a pay-rise. In-fact she costs a bit much as it is, don't she. Can't we outsource her to India? There's this bloke who works the phones for British Airways, Ranjeet, he's very well-spoken.
VOX POPS:
I don't know about Cameron wanting to make cuts to public spending. It could be dangerous! I remember once, I were on this bus. If we were under a Tory Government at the time the roads would have been in bad condition, there would have been more congestion and people would be hopelessly milling about the streets, wandering out in-front of us, in a half-hearted bid to end their misery as the government has abandoned them to a life of abject failure. We'd never have been able to keep that bus over 80 kilometres per hour to avoid exploding…oh hang on, that were the film 'Speed'.
VOX POPS:
Thank the lord Maggie Thatcher's left the hospital and is safely back home. The tight cow cancelled her milk; I'd been stealing hers since she stole mine in the early seventies. Oh…if you see her could you ask her to switch to semi-skimmed?
And as I'm here, ones I sent in two weeks ago:
VOX POPS:
Broadband in every home?! Rapid fire access to innumerable images of base and degrading pornographic acts performed by all shapes, sizes and species? It's another example of Labour 'tossing-off' policies.
VOX POPS:
Of course this Iraq inquiry shoulden't be held behind closed doors! It's been a lovely summer so-far and it'd be a shame for them to waste it. If they must do it in privacy why dosen't one of them host a barbeque. That may help with their inquiry, the smell of flammable substances and burning will certainly evoke that Iraqi amosphere.
VOX POPS:
The reason men are more at risk to cancer than women is not due to us men being less aware of the health risks of various caricnogenic activities. Oh no. It's because we're superior to women, and as I understand it, being superior requires some exposure to radioactive material. That's why superheros can fly and that's why men are better at mowing the lawn than women. Radioactive exposure. I wish I was a woman, then I woulden't have had to spend a fortune on plutonium and maybe I could afford to waste my time shopping for a fancy pair of shoes.
VOX POPS:
These cabinet ministers who've resigned just because Gordon Brown is struggling should be ashamed of themselves . They should give him support, not abandon him. People did the same thing wih Marilyn Monroe. And what happened then? That's right, we lost the magnificent beauty of a glamorous sexual icon…it looks like history is repeating itself.
VOX POPS:
I voted for UKIP. I don't want a bunch of European bureacrats dictating how us Brits have to behave. I have enough trouble with Garcon, my French sock puppet who orders me to cycle about the patiserries, in my beret, finding attractive women to breathe my wine-soaked breath on in a hot-blooded and seductive fashion. Isn't that right Garcon? (French Accent) Oui .Ooh la la, pardonnez-moi mademoiselle! (Back to English)Sorry, gotta go, he's spotted someone. Bloody Europeans, can't control themselves.
The 'behind closed doors/barbecue' one is very clever (probably needs tightening up though) but the man/woman one is very funny (however politically incorrect it may seem). Nice one!