British Comedy Guide

Stand Up Routine Page 5

With talking of weight you can go off in alot of different directions with it.

Actually talking about food..
How the goverment frown on unhealthy eating...
Fat Americans...
Your attitude to food before the diet?

''Is it wrong that I have my chinese takeway on speed dial, and when they answer they can tell it's me from my voice...also being on first name terms with the non english speaking chef out the back...
id like to think im doing a good thing in the current economic crisis as I'm keeping local businesses afloat...single handedly. I say local businesses, they are more the food outlets...I couldn't give a f**k if the greengrocer's fell on it's arse. What have they got to offer me? apples...

They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

It doesn't...when you've lost a few 'maltesers' under the folds of skin and they've been left to go go moldy..there is no amount of apples that can help you..believe me.

Quote: Scottidog @ June 25 2009, 8:38 PM BST

With talking of weight you can go off in alot of different directions with it.

Actually talking about food..
How the goverment frown on unhealthy eating...
Fat Americans...
Your attitude to food before the diet?

''Is it wrong that I have my chinese takeway on speed dial, and when they answer they can tell it's me from my voice...also being on first name terms with the non english speaking chef out the back...
id like to think im doing a good thing in the current economic crisis as I'm keeping local businesses afloat...single handedly. I say local businesses, they are more the food outlets...I couldn't give a f**k if the greengrocer's fell on it's arse. What have they got to offer me? apples...

They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

It doesn't...when you've lost a few 'maltesers' under the folds of skin and they've been left to go go moldy..there is no amount of apples that can help you..believe me.

Nice thoughts Scoti!

So true about the Chinese! It got to the stage they knew my order before I gave it to them!

I once went a week without ordering and they knocked on my door to check I was okay!

I think I must contribute nearly 2000 a year to my local shop on fags and drink.

No wonder he smiles everytime I walk in...either that or he fancies me

actually...

...i've never seen his wife

Yeah, The Proclaimers thing is a Frankie Boyle joke.

Be careful with your 'f**king's. It seems overly aggressive and, as sooty rightly suggests, if you persona is the one that you want the audience to empathise with, don't be so aggressive.

Dan

Quote: bigfella @ June 23 2009, 9:26 PM GMT

I've

[i]I'm a rarity in a stand up, I have a stutter. Particularly on the letter F. It's great when I'm ffff**king my wife, makes things last a lot longer.

It's great when I'm ffff**king my wife...not so good when im fffailing a breathalizer.

Interesting first post Rigney. Welcome!

I don't actually get the humour in the line you wrote.

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