A little more.
Everyone thinks that the world of Aeronautics is really high tech. An industry run by thirteen year old geeky boys who can't decide whether to have a wank over Jordan or Sir Issac Newton.
But it isn't, its run by piss heads like me and my mates....think about that next time you're over the Atlantic.
You'd be amazed by some of things that happen. I was flying to New York once – I was hungry and it its the only place I know where I get served a decent portion size. No. Anyway, the plane was virtually empty and those that were onboard were all industry types, so obviously most folk were at the back shagging the stewardesses.
The pilot said he'd put the radio communications on the loud speaker for us. So on came the control tower and the first shock was the air traffic controller was a woman – now that immediately worried me.
I mean my wife can't give me directions to her office half mile away , how was this woman going to cope with three dimensions? The pilot was very polite though
"Hello Mam" he said. "This is flight BA432 requesting permission to land".
"No Sir" she came back "Circle please vector one niner four" - what the hell does that mean? Vector one niner four? I'll tell you what It means just f**k off for ten minutes and then come back and have a another go.
So we bugger about for a bit and then she comes back on the radio.
"BA432 do you see the 777 in front of you?"
"Yes Mam" Our pilot replies
"Follow that."
Follow that? What kind of f**ked up advice is that? What happens if that plane had been hijacked? We might find ourselves landing on the twelve floor of some apartment block somewhere. What happens if it goes into a cloud? We might never find it again, then what would we do?
But the best was still to come.
"Yes Mam following the 777"
"Okay. Follow him in and then when your over central park turn left and your cleared to land runway 2!"
Turn left at Central Park? Christ this is one of the busiest airports in the world.
I mean is that how NASA did the Moon Landings. "Once you can see Brazil turn left and the Sea of Tranquillity is the third on your right."
