Yeap. All good points.
Thanks Dan does help.
Stand Up Routine Page 2
Quote: bigfella @ June 20 2009, 8:42 PM BSTRestaurants are the worst thing. You go in and you can almost see the Manager rubbing his hands together at the prospect of a big order. They then parade you through the whole restaurant, to a table in the furthest corner – making sure that everyone sees you on route, they virtually get the flags out to wave in front of you, I'm surprised they don't hire a military brass band to lead you to the table....
Insert an impression of the brass band here. Get yourself another laugh.
I really liked the whole thing and there is definate promise. 
Quote: Darren Pomroy @ June 22 2009, 10:13 AM BSTInsert an impression of the brass band here. Get yourself another laugh.
I really liked the whole thing and there is definate promise.
Thanks Darren.
Thats the idea of the stories - lots of movements and actions.
Seeing a fat bloke marching playing an invisable trombone just has to be funny.
I think taking on Sooty and Dan's advice with a few more linked in "gags" will also help.
Quote: bigfella @ June 22 2009, 10:57 AM BSTTThats the idea of the stories - lots of movements and actions.
Seeing a fat bloke marching playing an invisable trombone just has to be funny.
I am already laughing at the prospect.
Another trick I find works is what I call "broken narrative."
e.g. when you mention aeroplanes break off and half a page on aeroplane movies, hijacking whatever and then return to main narrative.
Agree it needs to be more gags to make it a stand-up routine.
On the other hand, what you presently have is highly amusing after-dinner material, so that's a positive.
Quote: sootyj @ June 22 2009, 12:30 PM BSTAnother trick I find works is what I call "broken narrative."
e.g. when you mention aeroplanes break off and half a page on aeroplane movies, hijacking whatever and then return to main narrative.
Like Billy Connelly?
Absolutely infact most standups do it.
Quote: sootyj @ June 22 2009, 12:30 PM BSTwhen you mention aeroplanes break off and half a page on aeroplane movies, hijacking whatever and then return to main narrative.
So you're advocating hijacking aeroplanes?
Quote: David Bussell @ June 22 2009, 1:58 PM BSTSo you're advocating hijacking aeroplanes?
I suppose it's all good comedy 
I think Dan and Sooty have said most of what I was going to, so I should shut up but I'll say it anyway. It feels like there's too much of you in it when there should be just the stage version of you. A lot of it reads very well but the key word is "reads" - I think funny prose can afford to be a lot slower than stand up so you need to squeeze more gags in along the way.
Good luck!
I like it, bigella. It reads nicely and is very amusing but for me much of the laughs would be down to the performance - "It's how you tell'em". You do tell a good story. It's structured pretty well but I do think you could cut it down a little and emphasise more on a few sentences.
"because it takes over three minutes for a 747 to fall from 30,000 ft when it loses power, the pilot has time to consult his manual to find out what to do"
I thought this part was excellent and very funny BUT I thought it was crying out for an ending, bigfella.
"Of course, an eight thousand page manual can be quite tricky to troll through at the best of times [*shake head, roll eyes*] and especially it having no index". ------- long pause ------ *look out window of plane* "Can you smell burning?"
Yeap - really like that thought as well Craig! Thanks for that.
Shows the value of Critique does this!
God there might be no escaping having to do this routine before long.
Thanks for the thoughts Badge - yes less me - more the alter ego.
Quote: bigfella @ June 22 2009, 2:48 PM BSTyes less me - more the alter ego.
"Less me -- more...": Surely there's a good joke in there about the weight loss!
In fact, I'm sure you'll have lots of good material as you write the book. That would be pretty unique in terms of content so why not base some of it around that?
Dan
Quote: swerytd @ June 22 2009, 3:11 PM BST"Less me -- more...": Surely there's a good joke in there about the weight loss!
In fact, I'm sure you'll have lots of good material as you write the book. That would be pretty unique in terms of content so why not base some of it around that?
Dan
Yeah a good idea. Although I don't really like it when the asian or black comics do routines purely about being asian and black - will someone want to hear a routine purely about being fat?
There are some good stories - once I went into PC world and the staff of seventeen years olds where having a good stare and laughing. Mrs Bigfella sorted them out. I even offerd to sign autographs in the end because they were so interested in me.
Or the time I got stuck in a public bog....
That sumo story DID actually happen - apart from the gag at the end of course. Mrs Bigfella is actually quite little.