THE HACKER MOVIE
INT. CINEMA LOBEY - NIGHT
TWO MEN WALK THROUGH A BUSY CINEMA LOBBEY. THEY PASS A DIE HARD 4: LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD POSTER.
GUY 1
You know, I’m surprised by how much I enjoyed that.
GUY 2
Are you f**king kidding me? It was f**king terrible! And so bloody unrealistic. Hacking doesn’t work like that! You can’t do the kind of shit that kid did.
GUY 1
Mate, nobody cares
GUY 2
Plenty of people on the internet care!
GUY 1
Well if you’re that disgusted by it, why don’t you go and make your own crappy movie about hacking? And then you and your internet bum chums can all have a merry old time.
GUY 2
Maybe I will!
GUY 2 STORMS OFF LEAVING GUY 1 STANDING THERE
BEAT
GUY 1
Cock.
CUT TO:
EXT. EXPLOSION LAND OR SOMETHING - DAY
TONS OF EXPLOSIONS APPEAR ON SCREEN.
CLICHE TRAILER GUY (V.O.)
This summer, prepare yourself for the thrill ride of the century!
CUT TO:
INT. HACKER GUY’S ROOM - DAY
AN OVERWEIGHT MAN IN HIS EARLY THIRTIES SITS AT HIS COMPUTER WEARING ONLY HIS Y-FRONTS. HE IS SURROUNDED BY ACTION FIGURES AND ANIME DVDS. HE SCRATCHES HIS ASS.
MUSIC CUE: LACRIMOSA (EPIC MUSIC)
CUT TO:
EXT. EXPLOSION LAND OR SOMETHING - DAY
STILL SHIT EXPLODING
CLICHE TRAILER GUY (V.O.)
Experience the passion!
CUT TO:
INT. HACKER GUY’S ROOM - NIGHT
THE HACKER IS STILL SAT AT HIS COMPUTER WEARING ONLY HIS Y-FRONTS. ON THE SCREEN IS LINES AND LINES OF MEANINGLESS COMPUTER CODE. HE FRANTICALLY TYPES AT HIS KEYBOARD AND CLICKS THE MOUSE, STOPPING ONLY TO SHAKE HIS FIST IN THE AIR.
HACKER
Curse you Sexyguy3332! You shall rue the day you mocked the new Battlestar Galattica on my xanga!
CUT TO:
INT. EXPLOSION LAND OR SOMETHING - DAY
HEY GUESS WHAT? THINGS ARE STILL EXPLODING.
CLICHE TRAILER GUY (V.O.)
Witness the conflict!
CUT TO:
INT. HACKER GUY’S ROOM - DAY
HE IS STILL SAT AT THE COMPUTER IN HIS Y-FRONTS
HACKER
(SHOUTING)
Mum! While you’re at the Spa can you buy me some coke?
MUM (O.C.)
No.
HE DRAMATICALLY BANGS HIS FISTS AGAINST THE DESK. REPEATEDLY
HACKER
(SHOUTING)
MOTHAR!!!!!!!!!
CUT TO:
INT. EXPLOSION LAND OR SOMETHING - DAY
YOU GET THE DRILL
CLICHE TRAILER GUY (V.O.)
See the friendship.
CUT TO:
INT. HACKER GUY’S ROOM - DAY
THE HACKER IS SAT AT HIS COMPUTER WEARING A HEADSET AND TALKING INTO IT.
HACKER
Lawl.
OTHER HACKER (V.O.)
Lawl.
HACKER
Lawl.
CUT TO:
INT. EXPLOSION LAND OR SOMETHING - DAY
YEP. STUFF BLOWIN UP HERE.
CLICHE TRAILER GUY
This summer, prepare yourself for//
A NUCLEAR EXPLOSION APPEARS ON SCREEN. INFRONT OF IT, SLANTED, BOLD TEXT WITH ELECTRICITY COURSING THROUGH IT APPEARS. IT READS: ‘HACKER’
CLICHE TRAILER GUY (CONT'D)
Hackarkarkarkarkarkarkarkar... Rated nobody gives a shit.
FADE OUT.
F**k?
Why are you guys censoring swear words now? I thought this was supposed to be a sitcom forum, not a cuddly wuddly think of the retarded f**king children forum
