Quote: EllieJP @ June 10 2009, 4:14 PM BSTHe's an accountant working in an office with one other person...
Teacher - accountant. Similar jobs there.
Status report Page 749
Quote: Aaron @ June 10 2009, 4:13 PM BSTThen it's not about nerves. It's that he's an observer, and would rather be approached than jump right into it. The fact he's there at all is an indication that he's not just rude.
Correct, he is an observer. He's said himself.
However, I'd rather he didn't come if he's going to sit there and say nothing.
Quote: Aaron @ June 10 2009, 4:14 PM BSTA woman complaining that she doesn't argue with her partner. Rare, but not unheard of.
In my experience, it's the woman who loves a good argument.
Quote: Seefacts @ June 10 2009, 4:13 PM BSTBut being an extrovert and chatty is always thought of as good, whereas shy is shit.
For me, it's the other way round.
Those bloody OTT chatty people boring me and getting on my nerves.
What's most disturbing is that Ellie seems to be going out with me. :/
I understand what you mean about people who just sit there saying nothing though Ellie, it can get on your nerves. And I'm saying this as someone who's guilty of it in certain situations.
Quote: EllieJP @ June 10 2009, 4:14 PM BSTHe's an accountant working in an office with one other person...
Who was going out with a teacher then? *scratches head*
(No, not roscoff.)
WHAT IS WITH THE DOOM AND GLOOM HERE???!!!! If this was a bar, there would be a piano in the corner with Aaron in a black dress singing the blues. Boys, those women were mad, MAD I TELL THEE, for going because you will find better women, happier women, women from a small island where they all have buns of steel and crack nuts with their thighs and use blowjobs as a way of saying "Good morning". You guys will get though it and if you need a hug, only ask!
Ellie, you are brillopads made from sunshine and sparkle. I doubt this guy would go anywhere because he appears to be smart enough to know you are a princess and uberwonderful. You are not loud, you are warm and bubbly and kind and just utterly terrific. If anyone says otherwise, I shall ride from the Westcountry to London on the back of a cow and pelt them with Scrumpy Jack.
Feel the love. 
Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at Large @ June 10 2009, 4:19 PM BSTYou are not loud
How many times have you met Ellie?
Quote: Matthew Stott @ June 10 2009, 4:18 PM BSTI understand what you mean about people who just sit there saying nothing though Ellie, it can get on your nerves. And I'm saying this as someone who's guilty of it in certain situations.
But it's not easy in some situations, if you're with people who you have not a lot in common with.
I have met the lovely girl in person and found her to be so funny and warm. I know many loud people and trust me, she doesn't come close. As I said I'm really shy but she was one of the main peeps who put me at so much ease last year. I even had my picture taken with her and believe me, that is not easy to get out of me so that makes her a special person.
Quote: Seefacts @ June 10 2009, 4:21 PM BSTActually, I found you had that very rare trait in women - the ability to put me at ease, and be very funny. As well as being effortlessly conversational without resorting to witless flirting.
Although you struck me as confident, I think what that actually was was an air of intelligence and wit that not many women have.
That may be very sexist, but thems the breaks.
That's not quite what you asked me, but I thought I say it anyway.
I can empathy with Mr Ellie because I'm the same, but as I said, it's down to be not wanting to waste my time with people I have nothing in common with. Remember, they're your friends, not his.
Thanks Seefacts. That was really very lovely of you to say that about me. I'm quite touched.
I totally agree, they are my friends. I don't mind if he doesn't want to come, but I guess he feels he has to as I invite him (I'd never not make him feel welcome).
Quote: Seefacts @ June 10 2009, 4:03 PM BSTI hate that quietness or not wanting to be social is considered rude. I often think talking to quite a lot of people is a tremendous waste of time. As most people are terribly boring.
The first sentence is a contradiction to the following two. I know you're a nice guy but first you say it's a shame silence is considered rude then give a reason for silence that most people would consider rude, especially the boring ones, eh?
Me, I'm incredibly silent. Mainly shyness but also I get so absorbed in a new idea or an internal debate on a writing project or some concept I've read. I often forget to talk, listen, eat, drink. It's not rudeness. As soon as I'm aware of someone's feelings I will go out of my way to accomodate but breaking through to being socially aware 'in the moment' happens rarely. As you can imagine my social calendar is smaller than my genitalia - and that takes some beating. Also I'm incredibly boring, so that works in everyone's favour.
EJP, some of the better relationships are those between people different enough (and with a degree of autonomy from each other) to not feel stifled and yet with the desire to choose to spend time with the other partner, despite the other 'options' that are out there.
Do an optician test by covering one eye. If you ignore this one aspect of the man, is there enough there for you to still choose to be around him. If yes, then the quietness will just be an obstacle that you will eventually overcome or develop a work-around for, as a couple. If (ignoring this quietness aspect) there is still an uneasiness about the relationship then maybe what you're really looking for here is an opt-out clause.
Quietness has many reasons. If you're both happy, then sod the perception of others. SlagB was for years considered aloof and arrogant by me, until I realised he was shy around people and sticking to the same few friends. So I hung around him and he's now the sociable chopsy sod and I'm the mouse on valium. Life eh?
Quote: SlagA @ June 10 2009, 5:04 PM BSTMe, I'm incredibly silent. Mainly shyness but also I get so absorbed in a new idea or an internal debate on a writing project or some concept I've read. I often forget to talk, listen, eat, drink. It's not rudeness. As soon as I'm aware of someone's feelings I will go out of my way to accomodate but breaking through to being socially aware 'in the moment' happens rarely. As you can imagine my social calendar is smaller than my genitalia - and that takes some beating. Also I'm incredibly boring, so that works in everyone's favour.
I'm terrible for that. I get distracted so easy. I've even been known to start writing about one thing and end up writing about another because my brain wanders off. I once discovered my notes on the body in dance had turn into a piece about a fox and I didn't remember doing it. I've even been know to wander away halfway through talking to someone. I really am not being rude, I just can't seem to control it. I really am in my own world and sometimes it can be very lonely but I wouldn't swap it.
And you are not boring, how many times must it be said! I'll tell Rosemary!
This maybe very insensitive of me, as I have not read the last few pages but...
Quote: EllieJP @ June 10 2009, 4:27 PM BSTI'm quite touched.
Yes, we know.
Quote: Leevil @ June 10 2009, 5:20 PM BSTThis maybe very insensitive of me, as I have not read the last few pages but...
Yes, we know.
Quote: SlagA @ June 10 2009, 5:04 PM BSTEJP, some of the better relationships are those between people different enough (and with a degree of autonomy from each other) to not feel stifled and yet with the desire to choose to spend time with the other partner, despite the other 'options' that are out there.
Do an optician test by covering one eye. If you ignore this one aspect of the man, is there enough there for you to still choose to be around him. If yes, then the quietness will just be an obstacle that you will eventually overcome or develop a work-around for, as a couple. If (ignoring this quietness aspect) there is still an uneasiness about the relationship then maybe what you're really looking for here is an opt-out clause.
He's a great man... I really need to sit down and think about this quite seriously.