Martin's Expenses

I'm not sure about this one myself so I'll brace myself for some cutting critique.

MICHAEL MARTIN IS LAID ON A COUCH HIS FACE IS IN SHOT. RYAN SITS BEHIND A DESK OUT OF SHOT.

MM:
I don't know what to do, I've blown it. Yeah sure I may hang on till the next election but I've been hung out to dry here.

RYAN:
Hung out to dry ?

MM:
I've been made a scapegoat in this bloody expense nonsense, if they'd listened to me we could have covered it all up ?

RYAN:
You're interested in covering it up ?

MM:
It's too late for that now.

RYAN:
It's not too late, I've got one in stock.

MM:
Got what in stock ?

CAMERA PULLS OUT TO REVEAL MM IS LAYED ON A COUCH IN A FURNITURE SHOP.
RYAN:

Do you want the cover to go with the couch ?

MM:
Oh yes okay, can I have a receipt. I need it to claim the money back.

END

I like it, Pedros.

I'd take out the claming it back part though - no need to explain why he wants the receipt - that's the joke!

A very good idea, Pedros but why the close-up on MM's face? We immediately know there's going to be a 'pull out to reveal'. Why not have mid-shot of Michael Martin just lying on couch (or even better, a chaise longue) with Ryan standing chatting beside him - then pull out to reveal they're in a furniture shop. Also dialogue needs trimming, etc. E.G.
________________________________________________________________________________

INT. LOUNGE. DAY.

MICHAEL MARTIN IS LYING ON A CHAISE LONGUE. RYAN IS STANDING CHATTING BESIDE HIM.

MARTIN:
I've been made a scapegoat in this bloody expense nonsense. Should have covered it up.

RYAN:
I can cover it up.

MARTIN:
(A RAY OF HOPE) You can?

RYAN:
Certainly.

CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL THEY'RE IN A FURNITURE SHOP. RYAN SWIFTLY SNATCHES A COVER FROM SHELF AND COVERS MARTIN WITH IT.

MARTIN:
Not what I had in mind.

RYAN:
Fifty quid - and I'll give you a receipt for two grand.

MARTIN:
Done!

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Quote: Morrace @ May 18 2009, 3:27 PM BST

A very good idea, Pedros but why the close-up on MM's face? We immediately know there's going to be a 'pull out to reveal'. Why not have mid-shot of Michael Martin just lying on couch (or even better, a chaise longue) with Ryan standing chatting beside him - then pull out to reveal they're in a furniture shop. Also dialogue needs trimming, etc. E.G.
________________________________________________________________________________

INT. LOUNGE. DAY.

MICHAEL MARTIN IS LYING ON A CHAISE LONGUE. RYAN IS STANDING CHATTING BESIDE HIM.

MARTIN:
I've been made a scapegoat in this bloody expense nonsense. Should have covered it up.

RYAN:
I can cover it up.

MARTIN:
(A RAY OF HOPE) You can?

RYAN:
Certainly.

CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL THEY'RE IN A FURNITURE SHOP. RYAN SWIFTLY SNATCHES A COVER FROM SHELF AND COVERS MARTIN WITH IT.

MARTIN:
Not what I had in mind.

RYAN:
Fifty quid - and I'll give you a receipt for two grand.

MARTIN:
Done!

________________________________________________________________________________

View original

Priceless advice, as always.

By priceless I mean Morrace always does it for nothing.

Quote: Craig H @ May 18 2009, 3:33 PM BST

Priceless advice, as always.

By priceless I mean Morrace always does it for nothing.

View original

At my age, you're lucky to do it, let alone charge for it!