Bond Sketch Needs Ending - Help meh plz

This is a follow on from Fred Sunshine's Bond sketch, but it needs an ending. So suggest away sil vous plais.

LIVE AND GET BUY

VOICE OVER:
After being made redundant from MI6, 007 is forced to lead a normal life.

A MONTAGE OF JAMES BOND DOING A VARIETY OF ACTION POSES AROUND BASILDON TOWN CENTRE.

CLOSE UP OF BOND'S FACE.

BOND:
…And to drink, a Chateau Lafite Rothschild, the '61 preferably.

THE CAMERA PULLS BACK TO SHOW BOND STANDING AT A DIXY FRIED CHICKEN COUNTER.

CHICKEN SHOP GUY:
You can have 7 UP, Pepsi Max or Fanta.

BOND IS STANDING IN HALFORD'S TALKING TO AN EMPLOYEE.

BOND:
And what exactly does this gadget do?

HALFORD'S EMPLOYEE:
It uses satellite navigation to help you…er, navigate, just type in the post code and it will show you how to get there.

BOND:
That's most impressive, thank you Q.

HALFORD'S EMPLOYEE:
It's Steve actually.

BOND IS STOOD OUTSIDE A PUB TALKING TO AN ESTATE SLAPPER.

BOND:
(pulling out cigarette lighter) Can I offer you a light, Miss?

ESTATE SLAPPER:
Gherkin, Judy Gherkin. Yeah, ta.

BOND:
I have a suite at the Travel Inn, with a fantastic view of the train station. Perhaps you'd like to see it?

ESTATE SLAPPER:
Yeah, all right. It's thirty quid for half an hour and nothing kinky.

THE ESTATE SLAPPER TAKES BOND'S LIGHTER AND USES TO SPARK UP A CRACK PIPE.

BOND AND A POLICEMAN ARE STANDING BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD. BOND HAS A ROBIN RELIANT WITH CARDBOARD MISSILES TAPED TO THE BONNET AND A BUMPER STICKER THAT READS 'MY OTHER CAR IS AN ASTON MARTIN'

POLICEMAN:
You're car is leaking a lot of oil out the back.

BOND:
It's meant to do that.

POLICEMAN:
Not in Essex it's not. Name?

BOND:
Bond, James Bond.

POLICEMAN:
License?

BOND:
To kill.

POLICEMAN:
Oh a comedian. How many drinks did you have at lunch sir?

BOND:
You expect me to talk?

POLICEMAN:
No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to blow into this.

POLICEMAN HOLDS UP A BREATHALYZER

Please put funny ending in here...now!

That's neat I'm a great fan of Bond reduced to normality sketches.

Just dump the intro it's funny enough for people to get it.

I think it's fine as it is, Mr Renegade.

I agree with SootyJ
It works fine as it is.
Funny stuff.

I'd start at Halfords and end on 'blow into this'. If you come up with a great line for the end stick it in* but it works well as it is.

Nice one.

Jx

*That's my way of saying I can't come up with anything at the end - but if I do I'll let you know!

Thanks everyone. I will take your advice Jane and cut the sketch down a bit.

I could just do a series of sketches based around 'Civvy' Bond and his car - from the DVLA freaking out over his revolving number plates to the garage mechanic trying to order new .30 caliber machine guns for the Aston Martin.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ May 17 2009, 7:49 PM BST

I could just do a series of sketches based around 'Civvy' Bond and his car - from the DVLA freaking out over his revolving number plates to the garage mechanic trying to order new .30 caliber machine guns for the Aston Martin.

View original

And attempting to go underwater in it!

Lovely sketch, liked as it is. "My other car's an Aston Martin" and "It's supposed to do that" very good

Of course one of your follows-ups could make use of the famed ejector seat, e.g. a driving test, where he scares the driving instructor by nearly going into the sea (says it's an underwater car), tries to destroy a police helicopter, and finally when he's failed ejects the instructor. That kind of thing.

Or he's trying to impress a lady in a club with his car - get outside he makes the excuse it's invisible and he left it somewhere. Or it's the remote BMW which turns out to be a toy scale model.

Or something. Given your efforts above sure you can do better

I love Bond sketches also. Did an audio one back in the day which went down well on here.

We're all Bond fan-boys!

Great stuff, Renegade. Really well written. I agree with Sootyj, Rob0, Ben & Fred. Leave it as it is.

At the risk of repeating what everyone else has said, the breathalyser is a perfectly good way of ending it. The only other thing I could think of was some captions "COMING NEXT... JAMES BOND IN... PRIMARK" or something like that. But it might be better the way you have it. It's a very nice sketch - admittedly on an old theme, but I have a Bond sketch on gestation so I'm not knocking it!

why do you refer to a prostitute as an "estate slapper"?

Great sketch.

Could he just raise an eyebrow to the innuendo at the end? Or a crap joke. Finish in a Roger Moore fashion.

Dan

It's a perfectly good ending but if you need more, I would have him panic, show a close up of him hitting an 'ejector seat' button then pull back to show his seat slamming him forward into the steering wheel.

(do Robin Reliant seats tip forward to let the people in the back out?)

Yep. They do.

Dan