Man is in waiting room of a doctors practice
Tannoy: Mr. Dave to room 3 please.
Mr Dave goes into room 3 and sits down.
Doctor: How can I help, Mr Dave?
Mr Dave: Well, Doctor, Im really worried…
Doctor: About what?
Mr Dave: Well, I heard that if your toes fall off then you lose all balance
Doctor: Yes, that's correct
Mr. Dave: Well it's really worrying me, because I like my toes. There cute, not too hairy, not too big, not too small, there just right. And I like to bite the toe nails. But if I lost my toes I think my life would be ruined. I wouldn't be able to walk, 'cos id be falling over all the time. I wouldn't be able to get a job because I can't walk, so I'd be unemployed all my life, and hence I won't be able to get a girlfriend or get married, and have no kids. Even if I do get married and have kids they will be retarded. I won't be able to teach them to walk, won't be able to take them to the park to play, instead ill just be laid down all day eating. So I'll get fat, my wife will leave me, leaving me with all her debts she mounted up shopping, leaving me with retarded children. This will make me even fatter, because she was shagging the post man and ran away with him, and every day that he delivers the post I'll want to hit him, but I can't walk there to do it, so ill have to hit my retarded children when they bring me my meals. So I'll end up in prison for child abuse, and because I can't walk I'll be an easy target for the bullies and gays in prison, so ill get bummed. On top of all this, my shoe size will go from a 9 to a 5, and you know they say "big feet big cock", so my dick will shrink too, causing me many emotional and confidence problems and end up hanging myself…
Man stops talking, Doctor looks at him blankly for 10 seconds
Doctor: Dick Head.