Drawn apart.

JILL IS ASLEEP AND PREGNANT TONY SITS BY HER SIDE ON THE BED.
TONY STICKS HIS HAND UNDER THE DUVET AND PULLS OUT A CUSHION AND IS ABOUT TO PUSH A BIGGER ONE IN IT'S PLACE.

JILL SITS UP (WITHOUT A BABY BUMP)

JILL
I bloody knew it you faked our pregnancy!

TONY
No erm you faked the pregnancy, sticking cushions up your blouse you should be ashamed.

JILL
Why would I?

TONY
To keep your figure, you're so vain my mother warned me about women like you.

JILL
Really and where did she find you? Soft furnishings at IKEA?

TONY
Alright I admit I just thought if you thought were pregnant you wouldn't leave me.

JILL
How long Tony? How long? We've been married for 15 years we've had 3 kids.

TONY
About that...haven't you ever wandered why Julian, Edgar and Winifred are always playing at the end of the garden?

JILL
They're healthy out doorsy kids. Oh you didn't you wouldn't, you couldn't could you?

JILL GOES TO THE WINDOW PULLS OPEN THE CURTAIN THERE ARE 3 CHILDREN CRUDELY PAINTED ON THE WINDOW.
SHE RUBS ONE OF THE PAINTINGS.

JILL
You bastard they're painted on! Get out you liar! Mother said I'd end up with a man just like dad.

TONY
Fine I'm going. And I'm taking the cat! Mr Whiskers fine stay you ingrate.

HE STORMS OUT.
WE SEE THE CAT IS DRAWN ON THE WALL.

JILL
Oh thank God I thought he'd never go, you can come up from the end of the garden Sebastian.

SHE PULLS BACK THE OTHER CURTAIN TO REVEAL A CRUDE DRAWING OF FABIO ON THE WINDOW.

You are becoming a colossus... metaphorically.

Minor points:
Sebastian morphs into Fabio
I'd split the cat dialogue as below, to get more impact from the reveal of the drawn cat

Quote: sootyj @ May 10 2009, 3:21 PM BST

TONY
Fine I'm going. And I'm taking the cat! Mr Whiskers?

WE SEE THE CAT IS DRAWN ON THE WALL.

TONY
Fine, stay you ingrate.

HE STORMS OUT.

View original

One of your best, inventive, and funny mental images.

Good point on the cat dialogue it looked wrong to me.

Fabio was meant to be the famous beef cake menopausal pleaser.

But youze right as ever I shall edit and credit.

Quote: sootyj @ May 10 2009, 3:21 PM BST

JILL IS ASLEEP AND PREGNANT TONY SITS BY HER SIDE ON THE BED.
TONY STICKS HIS HAND UNDER THE DUVET AND PULLS OUT A CUSHION AND IS ABOUT TO PUSH A BIGGER ONE IN IT'S PLACE.

JILL SITS UP (WITHOUT A BABY BUMP)

JILL
I bloody knew it you faked our pregnancy!

TONY
No erm you faked the pregnancy, sticking cushions up your blouse you should be ashamed.

JILL
Why would I?

TONY
To keep your figure, you're so vain my mother warned me about women like you.

JILL
Really and where did she find you? Soft furnishings at IKEA?

TONY
Alright I admit I just thought if you thought were pregnant you wouldn't leave me.

JILL
How long Tony? How long? We've been married for 15 years we've had 3 kids.

TONY
About that...haven't you ever wandered why Julian, Edgar and Winifred are always playing at the end of the garden?

JILL
They're healthy out doorsy kids. Oh you didn't you wouldn't, you couldn't could you?

JILL GOES TO THE WINDOW PULLS OPEN THE CURTAIN THERE ARE 3 CHILDREN CRUDELY PAINTED ON THE WINDOW.
SHE RUBS ONE OF THE PAINTINGS.

JILL
You bastard they're painted on! Get out you liar! Mother said I'd end up with a man just like dad.

TONY
Fine I'm going. And I'm taking the cat!
WE SEE THE CAT IS DRAWN ON THE WALL.

TONY
Mr Whiskers fine stay you ingrate.

HE STORMS OUT

JILL
Oh thank God I thought he'd never go, you can come up from the end of the garden Fabio.

SHE PULLS BACK THE OTHER CURTAIN TO REVEAL A CRUDE DRAWING OF FABIO ON THE WINDOW.

View original

This is brilliant...makes me realise how inadequate I am. Thankyou for destroying my dreams SootyJ.

Oh dear that wasn't my attention.

Here I'll draw your fanclub on your window, see they're at the end of your garden.

Thats much better, as soon as I can put some pants back on and stop whipping my miserable failiure self with a wet towel I'll go and see them.

Quote: SlagA @ May 10 2009, 4:14 PM BST

You are becoming a colossus... metaphorically.

View original

I agree with SlagA . Loved it. Totally original and extremely funny.

The title 'Drawn Apart' ---- inspired.

Nice.

Yip. Brilliant sketch sooty.

Clever and funny.

This is very good. The kids drawn on the window joke is inpired and the punchline works a treat.

I liked the innovative aspect of this one, well done.

Inspired! Fab. Loved it.

Dan

It's a really great idea, but not as cleanly executed as it should be.

This bit should go:

TONY
No erm you faked the pregnancy, sticking cushions up your blouse you should be ashamed.

JILL
Why would I?

TONY
To keep your figure, you're so vain my mother warned me about women like you.

JILL
Really and where did she find you? Soft furnishings at IKEA?

In my opinion. Funny otherwise though.

Damn you and your talent, Sooty. The bar has gone up a notch there. Excellent sketch, well executed.

Quote: Balf @ May 11 2009, 4:35 PM BST

well executed.

View original

I do hope you haven't just said that because I said it wasn't well executed!