Hi guys and gals,
Just wanted to see what you thought of this, I know its a little ropey at the moment but what do you think of the idea? That sought of thing.
EXT. Street's of London – Afternoon
It is a busy street. Our news reporter, Milk Chocolate, stands in front of his camera holding a microphone. Cars and people are going past in the background.
MILK CHOCOLATE
(talking to the camera)
Global warming, to many of us a poor excuse for the government to take more of our money, for you tree huggers out there a very serious issue, but who is really effecting? Yes those cute cuddly polar bears we see on the discovery channel will soon be moved to the history channel and yes penguins will have to find somewhere else to play but what about the Eskimos?
Milk Chocolate steps to one side and puts his arm round Irregular the Eskimo. Irregular stand's there looking into the camera.
MILK CHOCOLATE (CONT)
Meet Irregular, an Eskimo from the North Pole now forced to live in London due to global warming. What chance does this man have?
Milk Chocolate pulls out a tennis ball from his pocket and starts to bounce it of Irregulars head.
MILK CHOCOLATE (CONT)
You see he has no idea this isn't normal. I can bounce this off his head all day long if I want. But perhaps what is more worrying than Irregulars total lack of social skills are he's living arrangements.
Milk Chocolate points towards an alley way where Irregular has a tent set up looking like an igloo.
MILK CHOCOLATE (CONT)
As you can see Irregular has set up what I would call an urban igloo to keep the rain off.
Milk Chocolate kneels down and is about to open the door to the tent when Irregular gets mad and starts shouting in a foreign language.
MILK CHOCOLATE (CONT)
Whoooaa as you can see Irregular is very keen to warn off predators juts as if he were back in the Pole. What I wanted to show you was that there are no bathroom facilities in his home so God only knows what the inside of that suit must smell like?
Irregular re appears from the tent holding a spear.
MILK CHOCOLATE (CONT)
(panicking)
What the? Irregular has just appeared holding a spear, what is that for?
Irregular moves back onto the busy street. People start to panic and there are some screams.
MILK CHOCOLATE (CONT)
As you can see there is pandemonium right now, Irregular is walking up and down the street holding a spear is he? Hold on a second yeah I think he is.
Irregular starts to jump up and down on the pavement like polar bear hunting on the ice for seals.
MILK CHOCOLATE (CONT)
Irregular now is hunting food, in the middle of the streets of London an Eskimo hunts for seals under the concrete, in my all years as a reporter, I have seen the great wall of China, I even saw the Labour government make some good decisions but I have never seen anything quite so bizarre.
A man walking his dog turns round the corner and into the view of Irregular. The man stops stunned. The crowds of people are all watching. Irregular starts to move slowly towards to dog.
MILK CHOCOLATE (CONT)
Things have just got a lot worse, as you can see Irregular is now moving towards the dog, he must think it is some kind of edible animal, the crowd is in blind panic right now, what is he going to do?
Irregular launches towards the dog and spears him. The owner jumps out of the way. The crowd are all screaming.
MILK CHOCOLATE (CONT)
(shocked)
He has speared the dog, Irregular has speared the dog. I can't believe what my eyes are seeing here.
Irregular drags the dog on the spear into his tent. He closes it up.
MILK CHOCOLATE (CONT)
Irregular, as you can see, has gone back into his igloo and is now chowing down on some dog. The rest of us on the scene are in utter shock, but what does this tell us? Perhaps global warming isn't such a myth, maybe Al Gore wasn't just trying to boost just his celebrity, next time you're to lazy to get up and turn off the TV to save energy just take one look at your household pet, with a growing number Eskimo's living in our society they could be next. This is Milk Chocolate reporting live.
